Hard to Speak || l.h.

Nineteen

            She picked up on two rings. "Luke?"

            "Hey," I pictured her smiling.

            "I'm in between rehearsals right now, so I can't talk long. How is it?"

            My eyes scanned over the hotel room without a view. "It's great, I wish you could be here."

            She laughed. "I wish you could be here. When are you coming down?"

            "I should be on a plane this time tomorrow," I looked at my half-packed suitcase. I wouldn't be in New York long, but long enough for Christmas. I hear voices on the other end.

            She sighed. "I have to go. I love you, hurry home."

            She clicked off before I could reply, so I lean back on the pillow and scroll through the pictures on my phone. There's one of us laughing, one of us after the last ballet I went to, and one, my favorite, of her on the pirate ship. She didn't know I was taking a picture. She was sitting on the railing, facing me with the smallest of smiles. I looked at it for a long time before turning off my phone and clicking off the light.

            The next morning I met up with the boys in the dining area, where they were already starting to eat.

            "What's this about?" I asked, not sitting down. "I need to finish packing."

            "Well unpack then!" Calum exclaimed between bites. "We got another show here tonight! Sold out!"

            I looked at all of them. "You've got to be kidding," none of them spoke. "You guys know I have a flight in three hours!"

            Ashton took a gulp of orange juice and leaned back in his chair. "Luke, we know you want to see Raine, but this is an important show," he chuckled, trying to lighten the subject. I didn't join in. "Can't you go see her tomorrow?"

            "No! Tonight's her last show! I promised I'd be back in time to see it!" I tried to keep myself together, but I was angry. They knew what today was and they still agreed to a show.

            "Luke, it's not like you have a choice," Michael looked at me. "They already sold the tickets, you have to be there."

            My hands curled into fists. I didn't have anything else to say to them, so I turned and left, trying not to push anyone out of my way as I went back up to the room. I picked up the phone and dialed Raine's number.

            "Hey, this is Raine!"

            "Raine," I started to say.

            "Sorry I can't answer my phone right now," she laughed in the recording. I remembered when she recorded it, I was the one making her laugh. "Leave a message!" The phone clicked off, and I groaned, throwing the phone at the bed. I was going to miss her show, and she wasn't picking up her phone. I was breaking my promise.

            I picked the glass up from the nightstand and hurled it at the wall.

-------------

            When our show was starting, Raine's was ending. I left the sound check, and the boys tried to speak but I ignored them. Leaving the out the stage door, I dialed her number and waited, thinking out what I was going to say, how I was going to say it.

            "Luke?" she answered. "I can't find you, are you in the lobby?"

            I curled my fist at my side, and took a deep breath. "Raine-"

            "You came for the best show! I think that's the best I've done my entire career! Where are you? I'm starving."

            "Raine, I'm not there."

            I said it. She was quiet on the other end, all I could hear were the other people in the lobby, all congratulations and cameras clicking.

            "What do you mean? You said you were getting on a plane this afternoon," her voice was shaking, on the verge of tears. I dug my nails into my palm.

            "The boys scheduled another show, without asking me. It was already sold out, I couldn't leave-"

            "You promised you'd come."

            "I know I did," I sighed, the guilt washing over me. "I'm so sorry."

            Raine was quiet on the other end. "Are you coming at all?"

            "I'm getting on a plane right after this show, I'll be there tomorrow morning, I pro-"

            "Don't promise," she stopped me, her voice laced with tears. "Just don't."

            She hung up, leaving me hollow. The anger at myself was too much to keep held in, and before I could stop myself mine clenched hand shot out and punched the brick wall in front of me.

            "Fuck," I muttered as I looked down at my bloody knuckles. A shot of pain laced up and down my arm, but I didn't cry out. I watched a trickle of blood drop onto the pavement, and tore my eyes up to the door. I walked back inside.

            "Luke, there you are- holy shit, what'd you do to your hand?" I looked up at Calum, who had a disgusted look on his face.

            "Do we have any bandages?"

            Calum nodded and pointed to the bathroom. I rinsed my hand off and tried to stop the bleeding as best I could before wrapping it up. When I came back out the stagehands were rushing us onstage. I grabbed my guitar and walked onstage, not nearly as excited as the other guys were. Ashton yelled something at the crowd, but I didn't hear him. I lifted my eyes to look at the crowd. They were screaming, yelling out our names and holding up signs. I held my guitar, waiting for the first cue.

            "So, uh, this is one of our new songs," Calum said into the microphone, looking over at me. I swallowed and stepped up to the microphone. I started to sing, but I didn't sing like I was on stage, I sang like I was sitting cross-legged on Raine's carpet, sitting across from her.

            "So this is a new song?" she had asked, taking a sip of a blueberry smoothie she had made. I had been nervous, she had never heard me sing before.

            "Um, yeah, you're going to be the first one to hear it, actually," I had ran my fingers through my hair, always my nervous tell. Raine leaned forward and kissed me lightly.

            "Don't be nervous, it's just me."

            "That's exactly why I'm nervous."

            "Here, I'll close my eyes," she closed her eyes, a smile frozen on her face. "What's the song called?"

            I had looked her over, her hair pinned on top of her head, her long eyelashes pressed to her cheeks. "Okay. It's called End Up Here."

------------------------------------

WE'VE COME FULL CIRCLE PEOPLE. 

okay lets pretend luke wrote end up here. 

btw toward the end of this i was listening to the scientist by coldplay on repeat, so thats how i was feeling

next chapter should be back in present time, maybe youll get some answers. maybe.

VOTE AND COMMENT MY LOVES.