Hard to Speak || l.h.

Fifteen

                        Our tour date got bumped back a month, thanks to a scheduling error. A week ago I would have been happy to stay in New York longer, but without Raine there was nothing for me here. I reached for my phone to call her, but my better instincts stopped me. She hadn't answered since last week, when she told me a shaky goodbye and closed the door in my face.

            Frustrated at myself, I stood and strode to the window, climbing out onto the fire escape. In an act of fury I kicked the ladder, causing the whole thing to shake. Maybe it would fall and I would pummel to my death.

            After I had cooled off, I leaned my elbows on the railing and raked my hands through my hair. Tonight I'd go to a bar, I'd get her off my mind. I'd do the same thing I'd been doing for the past three days, escape into a blissful nothingness until morning, when the pain would be twice as bad. I looked over to her fire escape, where the curtains were blowing through the open window. I pictured her curled up on that white couch, reading. Maybe she was wearing my shirt, maybe she was in as much pain as I was. Maybe…

            No. I shook the thought out of my head. She was probably at the studio, dancing away her pain. Maybe I had a beer left in the fridge…

            The sound of her laughter carried out the window. I squeezed my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms. I need to move, I need to leave-

            Her fire escape rattled as she stepped out onto it. I stared forward, at the fading sunset.

            "Yeah, Mom, it was a beautiful party, you did a great job…I told you, Luke couldn't come, he had a gig."

            I looked over at her. She wasn't faced my direction. She hadn't told her parents we split?

            "Okay…Love you too, bye," she turned around then, immediately locking eyes with me. I looked away first.

            "Luke," she said softly. The way her voice wrapped around my name still hurt, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for being so utterly in love with her.

            "Raine," I said, because it was all I could. She closed her eyes for a moment, and I realized this must be affecting her the way it is me.

            "I thought you were leaving tomorrow," she said when she regained herself.

            "It got pushed back a month," I replied. I wanted to pull her close and never let her go. She glanced down, rising slightly on her toes.

            "How have you been?" her voice was forced.

            "Horrible," I answered, and she looked back over at me for a long moment.

            "I- I think I have some blueberry frozen yogurt, if you want to come over…I mean, you don’t have to, you probably don't want to-"

            "Close your eyes," I said.

            "What?"

            "Close your eyes."

            She closed them, one hand holding her elbow. I climbed over to her fire escape and moved to stand in front of her. She shivered in the late September air, squeezing her eye together. I reached out and tilted her chin up to me. Her lips parted slightly, but she never opened her eyes.

            "Luke, I don't want you to go-"

            "Don't say anything, none of that matters."

            She opened her eyes and searched my face. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers before she could say anything, pulling her against me. The last bit of sun left the sky as she pulled away.

            "Come inside," she whispered, her eyes shining. My heart sped up.

            "Don't you have to be at the studio early tomorrow?"

            "I don't care."

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did they do the do

does this make up for fourteen? i hope so, cause next chapter is going to hurt too. this is just a rollercoster of emotion.

luh ya