Us In Red | Gini

Ten

Addie and Steph had to go home, so the sleepover is just me, Gina, Lauryn, and Ashlyn, but four is certainly better than none. It's enough to keep Ashlyn happy. After laying out our sleeping bags, the group sits in a square, cast in a purple glow from the lava lamp sitting on the bar counter in the basement. 

The last time I slept over anywhere was that night at Gina's, the day Kourtney went to the hospital. If she were awake right now, I know she'd be here. She'd be dying to all the stereotypical teenage girl sleepover things like giving makeovers and braiding hair. None of it would be a competition, but with her expertise she'd certainly win anyway. I know I should be used to her not being here by now, but it still feels a little colder without her here. 

Ashlyn and Gina laugh at Lauryn's story, but I'm only now tuning in, breaking away from my deep thought. Not wanting to stand out, I chuckle along with the group.

"It couldn't have been that bad," Ashlyn says. 

"It was," Lauryn insists. "Kaden can dance, but he cannot write songs. I had to stop him before he sang that song to his crush. I told him to make a dance instead."

"Trust me," Ashlyn says. "It could not have been as bad as the song EJ wrote to apologize to Nini last semester."

"Oh, yeah, he mentioned that he did that," I say. "He never sang it for me, though."

"That's probably for the best," Ashlyn responds with a chuckle. "'A Billion Sorrys' is quite a bop but not very heartfelt."

"I remember that song Ricky sang to you during the auditions for the winter musical," Lauryn tells me. "I know you wrote it, but that was really sweet. It was like something out of a movie."

"Yeah," I agree. "He's really thoughtful."

I can feel Gina's eyes on me, but I don't look over at her. Still, I really want to. And that's why I force myself to keep my eyes on the carpet. 

Since Carlos and Ashlyn pointed out to me that I was spending a lot of time with Gina, I made an effort to talk to Ricky the rest of the night. From the outside, it wasn't problematic at all. Gina hung out with Carlos and Seb, and I clung to Ricky's side. It was completely normal—so I don't understand why I kept glancing over to Gina the whole time, wondering what she was talking about. But I repressed whatever strange desire was turning my head, and I stayed with my boyfriend. 

Now the number of people who can split the space between us is significantly less. I stay a couple of feet apart from where she sits on the carpet, trying not to focus on her too much. 

"What about you, Gina?" Ashlyn asks.

The girl's eyes go wide, and her face goes red. "What about me?"

"Do you have anyone special?"

I see Gina let out a breath and her body relax a little as she says, "No, not really."

"Well, do you like anyone?" Lauryn wonders. 

Gina hesitates, sucking in her lips for a second before eventually replying, "Uh, no, nobody."

Suddenly, her eyes flick to me, and I feel my chest tighten even though nothing's happened. She quickly looks away again, but it takes me a bit longer to regain the ability to breathe. I don't know why I care so much about her answer to this, but for some reason it's hard for me to let this go. I know Gina. I can tell when she's holding something back, and I'm getting the feeling that that's what she's doing right now. But neither Lauryn nor Ashlyn seem to notice, so I don't say anything. Whatever Gina is keeping from us, she must have a reason for it. Not all secrets need to be told. People are allowed to keep things to themselves. I don't know why I'm having to work so hard to convince myself of that right now.