Us In Red | Gini

Fifteen

When I first auditioned for the spring musical, I had an idea of what the opening night would be like. Ricky and I would go there together. I'd tell him how nervous I was, and he'd kiss me to calm me down. It would work for about a moment before I'd remember that I still had to go out and perform. He would give me a soft smile whenever on stage with me, and I wouldn't know of anything more. I wouldn't know that I could feel anything more. 

That's not the case anymore. I know there's more, because I feel it simply by lacing my fingers through Gina's while Miss Jenn gives her pre-show pep talk. And I'm listening, but not really, because my body is pulling me toward the girl beside me, my girlfriend, and I'm doing my best to shush that need so that I can pay attention. Once we break, and the cast and crew scatters to prepare for the first scene, Gina leads me aside and winds her other free hand through mine.

She's wearing the iconic Stella red shirt with the pinned shoulder and the phrase 'Question? Authority."  In her hair, a fake peacock feather dangles between the strands like Stella's. The whole aesthetic is way edgier than she usually dresses, but I can't say it's a bad look for her. It kind of brings out that part of her that's dangerous and spontaneous, and it makes me wish we were alone right now so that I could act on this feeling.

"How are you doing?" she asks. 

"Um, a little nervous, but it's nothing I can't handle," I reply. "What about you? How are you doing?"

I can tell by the way her thumbs fidget across my knuckles that she has something on her mind, and it's bothering her, but she holds her front so well that I doubt anyone else would see it. 

"I'm good, I guess," she responds. "I just... I kinda thought Kourtney would be awake by now, and that she'd be able to watch."

I take in a breath and try to settle my own sadness before I speak to help Gina's. 

"Well, on the bright side, my moms are recording the whole musical, so Kourtney can watch it."

"That'll be a wonderful surprise for when she wakes up," Gina says with a smile. 

After a moment of simply holding my eyes with hers, I step in to give her a kiss on the cheek. After that, I find it hard to get myself to back all the way up again, and Gina must be able to sense that, for she alleviates my self-control of its duty as she takes my chin in her hand and presses her lips to mine. 

Gina's kiss doesn't calm me down. It's not certain or steady or quiet. It's exhilarating, charging my desire to put my arms around her neck and pull her in closer. It fills me with confidence, because even if I completely screw up during the play tonight, I know I'll be able to kiss her again later and get more of her than she's already given, and I'll return the gift. 

When she pulls back, both of us giggle a little, satisfied with our connection. 

"I should probably go get set for the show to start," Gina tells me. "Good luck, not that you'll need it."

She lets my hands go and steps away. My eyes follow her, making me have to spin around to keep my view all the way until she leaves. Once she's gone, I'm able to see the other things in the space besides her, specifically Ricky, whose eyes quickly divert down at his phone at soon as they link with mine. 

I suddenly feel bad. I didn't realize he was here. It must've been hard for him to watch his ex girlfriend kiss her new girlfriend right in front of him. 

Wanting to make sure he's alright, I go over to where he's leaning against the wall, and he looks up from his phone with a blank face. He doesn't look upset anymore. It makes me wonder what changed.