the first time it slipped out of my mouth we were both drunk walking under the sun and i was wearing your shirt
i always wonder; why does it change? why does it have to change?
you didn't know what to say and i didn't know how to explain to you that i just adore you and that doesn't have any real price - other than my desperate needs to have you around all the time
the last time i acted around like i always do - i call it a performance - i danced for you the way everyone else has always made me dance for them, then i gave you the floor and you just
froze
you froze and said you couldn't love me when i put on my best show, just for you
you called me over to sit beside you.
he started singing. you pecked my lips a few times and they felt like butterflies on my skin.
he kept singing, your arms were around me
he kept singing and singing and his voice went inside my ears and out of - like a loop -
'felt like i was drowned in dreams
not knowing where i'm at'
your arms were around me and your lips were on mine your feet were moving slow and our bodies were moving around how could you make me feel so ethereal? how do you manage to pierce my skin with your fingertips and burn holes in my limbs - such deep burns they last and last and never seem to heal - i felt like a bird
i felt like a swan
i felt like i was made of silk and diamonds
i felt like i was real - until i didn't and you popped the bubble you blew for me
i don't need you to say it back - i don't need you to kiss me or hold me or make me feel like you desire my body - i don't like it, anyways. i'm very fond of physical demonstrations of affection - maybe because i'm so bruised it hurts every single time i take one step towards comfort ness.
i don't need you to lie to me - because you make me feel special, or you make me feel like a doll. you make me feel like i need to be something, but then i don't.
like i can be someone you love, but then i'm not.
like you just love me being obsessed with you, but i'm not
and i hate myself for feeling like you're my home
