a promenade of feeling

your body died without you |3

'I regret the things I said to you'

would this have been uttered if we weren't on the cusp of humming sweet lullabies on your death bed? I don't know. And quite frankly, I don't care. Because nothing, no where, no amount of pills, blue or pink or red, will stop what I say next

'I regret the things I didn't say'

you may not ever understand what I meant by that
just like I didn't understand fully understand
why you took those pills
maybe to fill a void you thought nothing else could
or because you wanted to feel everything
And absolutely nothing at the same time
you told me it was because of a fight you had with your girlfriend
you thought you fucked up the only thing in your life that kept you going

In fear of hurting the people we love, sometimes the sheets on a death bed look more cozy than one's arms

big things come in small packages
remember that the next time you uncap a pill bottle

-ken m

3/20/20

I wish I could tell more about what happened that night
but this is all I'm able to mutter before I dive too deep
into my minds depths where I can no longer get out
I don't know if I will retell the events of this night again
for now, though, this is enough to allow myself to heal