Blood in the water [Kakairu]

Restless

// CW FOR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM/ SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR. I've rewritten this too many times T_T  next chapter is confrontation  //

Kakashi didn't know what he was feeling, what he had been feeling. That was dangerous. Feeling was dangerous, it made him less efficient, distracted him. He couldn't afford to be distracted. Distractions cost time, limbs, lives.

It'd been too long since he'd done something, anything. A week without conflict was too long. Without physical exertion, without the excruciating fiery burn of the chidori singing through his veins. He lived to serve the village, lived to kill for the village. And without that he got restless. Paranoia was a monster that needed blood to be kept at bay.

Iruka must be doing something to him is what it told him. Was he a spy? Trying to get close to him? To spill his secrets to other villages? Weakening him even more slowly until he could watch the life drain from his eyes? Kakashi tried to get up but fell back onto the bed. The pain meds were moving sluggishly through his system.

He was so tired yet far too exhausted to sleep. He glanced at his bandaged hand in a daze. Unwrapping it, he thumbed over the newly formed scabs. There was a slip of pain here and there, cutting through the fog.

He thought of Iruka as he picked at the skin, letting the blood start to flow again. He had been so kind to him, too kind. And how had Kakashi reacted? He felt... warm, shaky, unsure. A weakness. Something in the food? Something in the water? It had to be. He'd sworn on everyone he's ever loved that he would never let anyone close again. Iruka was not an exception.

Kakashi had to get out. He couldn't stay here, not with Iruka plotting his death.
You're being ridiculous. Rin chided him.
He just cares for you
No one cares for me Kakashi reminded her. The only people who care for me are carved into stone. You put them there.

He shut his eye, pushed his palms into them, tried to will away the voices, the images, the sharingan ached in sync with the blood pulsing out of his hand.

He tried again to stand up, leaning on the wall and got to the window. He sent a very small pulse of chakra outwards, he knew anbu must be watching the apartment.
It only took a moment for Cat to appear and slide the window open.

"Senpai"

Kakashi could have laughed at the irony of Tenzo being the one assigned to watch him.

"I need to get to the hokage, somethings wrong"

"You've only been here for 2 days Senpai, what could possibly be wrong"

Kakashi sighed, exasperated.

"It's Iruka - hes, hes doing something"

Tenzo slid into the room and cocked his head.

"Doing what exactly? Besides helping you recover that is"

"He makes me feel weird! He must be putting something in the food, to make me weak"

It was Tenzo's turn to laugh.

"Mhm- would you care to elaborate?"

Kakashi sat back down and threw his arms up in the air.

"All of this! There has to be some ulterior motive. Everytime he's close to me I get...warm. Maybe he's casting a blood jutsu on me"

"Senpai surely with the amount of erotic romance novels you read you'd be able to recognize a crush"

Kakashi's gaze darkened.

"Whatever it is I can't have it. You need to take me to the hokage to fix this"

Tenzo's snickering cut short and he crouched in front of him.

"Kakashi. You need help. And Iruka is helping you. There's nothing to fix. Stop overanalyzing it. It isn't healthy"

He pushed Tenzo away which led to a smear of blood on his porcelain mask. Tenzo stood immediately and grabbed Kakashi's hand.

"You're bleeding"

"I know"

"Senpai"
Kakashi refused to meet his eyes, instead opting to suddenly be fascinated with the floor boards.

"Kakashi"
He shifted and Tenzo noticed the glaze over both his eyes.

"Why are you bleeding"

He blew air out of his mouth and looked out of the window.

"The pain meds are too strong I needed it"

"Kakashi that's not okay, you aren't supposed to be in pain"

"Just leave me alone Tenzo"

"Kakashi I can't just leave you like this, you're endangering yourself"

"It's nothing I haven't done before" he spit out bitterly.
"Either let me see the hokage or fuck off"

It was at that moment a very sleepy Iruka tumbled through the door
"Kakashi what's wrong I heard talking"

Kakashi scowled at Tenzo's convenient disappearance into the wood.

"Nothing Iruka go back to your room"

The sight of blood dripping onto the sheets shook Iruka out of his daze.
"Oh Kami what happened? What did you-"

"I said go back to your room"

"No, I need to rebandage it"
Iruka leaned forward to take his hand.

Kakashi blamed the pain meds, anxiety, and the sudden influx of emotion at seeing Iruka's tender concerned gaze for his next actions.

Before he knew what was happening he had completed a body flicker and was collapsed in front of the memorial stone. Everything was spinning and he took a moment to wretch up the food he'd eaten earlier. Kakashi forced himself up, they'd find him there. They'd kill you here.

Each step hurt and he couldn't see straight but sometime he arrived in the forest. Then it was raining. The cold water soothed his burning limbs. He had no idea how he had made it so far without any assistance, pure survival instinct maybe. His body was built to fight and it would until it couldn't anymore. But even that ran up eventually. Walking turned to crawling, turned to trying to pull his screaming body across the floor. The sun came up eventually as Kakashi laid on the forest floor. The darkness came soon after that.