A Court of Stars and Fire | ACOTAR Fanfic

Chapter 23 - Nyssa

✧ Nyssa's POV ✧

My world was collapsing.

My mate.

I had pulled away so fast. I winnowed away so quickly when it had hit me. It felt like my insides were forced upwards, my heart ripped out of my chest. I couldn't breathe.

The warmth of his touch still lingered when I had appeared on the street along the Sidra. Bracing winds struck me, washing it all away.

My mind was blank. I needed to feel something.

Someone else was moving my feet as my body walked forward, towards the churning waters of the Sidra as it glittered in the afternoon light. I felt as if I was floating along the racing winds, watching as the body of a goddess marched quickly along, making her way towards a small pier.

I don't think I breathed as I walked. My thoughts could only focus on one thing, and that was the last thing I needed to think about. The absolute last.

I needed to feel something.

The sound of my heeled shoes sounded distant in my ears as I quickly descended decaying steps that led onto the small wooden pier that extended into the Sidra. Dark, frothy water crashed against the planks, wearing the waterlogged wood down further.

My gown trailed along the soaked boards as I moved forward, lapping up water as I stormed forward. Only four ships were docked, signs saying they were all for decommission. They were old trading ships, the bows worn and eroded.

My actions were mindless. I didn't even know what I was doing. My feet abruptly stopped as I reached the end of the pier, murky water soaking the hem of my dress as it lashed against the wooden edge, threatening to overflow.

I could jump in and disappear. Have water fill my lungs, slowly kill me as I felt the fleeting moments of life slip away. It would make me feel something.

It would never work - my powers would keep me alive forever. I'd just sit at the bottom of the Sidra while the world moved on above waters.

I screamed in hopes of letting something out. Nothing did.

My voice was fleeting as the scream broke off before it even started, sounding more like a dying animal choking on its own blood. I needed to feel something.

Everything was combusting. I couldn't go back into Velaris - they would all be waiting. But I couldn't abandon the home that Nyx and I built. Not when it needed me the most, when my petty sister was on her self-righteous revenge crusade.

But my world was falling apart. I had a mate. It wasn't Nyx - no, my husband was long gone. Buried next to my dead child, who was born with a still heart and a stab wound in his chest from the same sister who was threatening to destroy the only thing I've ever cared about.

Could I care about something else?

The thought made me sick. I didn't deserve a mate - Nyx was supposed to be my mate. He was my first love, the one who brought unity and peace to a barbaric Prythian. The light to my dark. The moon to my stars.

But he's not my mate.

Azriel was.

I felt his touch like a ghost on my skin, heat flaring from the memory of only a few minutes prior. How did I not see it sooner?

Everything was falling apart. I still needed the Ring, gods forbid Aurora has it in her possession already. I needed to visit Bryaxis to know where it was left. I had to prepare and protect this world from the army of a million Fae, all armed with powerful magic. I needed to protect and serve, and die. I needed to go on, to be with Nyx and Aphelios again. To be happy.