Have you ever felt like your life doesn't make sense?
Your heart loves but because of that it also aches.
You forgive but then also feel ashamed that you let things happen the way they did?
Have you ever felt num?
It's been a long time since I last felt an emotion rush of freedom and happiness. The closest i have been of an feeling was anger.
Does the world come to an end when I don't want to live anymore? Or will people just forget about my existence? Who is the owner or life? Who is the manager? Is there a supervisor? How do I help myself?
So sometimes I wonder. If people around me gossip and watch every move I make. How is everyone me?
Are we in a simulation or is this real?
Am I in a dream? Did I chose for this?
Well I did had a weird dream the other day where I was on a pedestal next to a beautiful being with no face in the universe looking at the earth and I said; "I want to go there". And then I woke up.
Why do people suffer? Is it their own doing? It must be.
Well I am suffering because of things I am afraid of.
Like the other day I was working at this lady's house. And she had just told me she was happy with me and she likes how i do things for her in her house. It was nice but few hours later i felt as if it was expected for me to mess up. The feeling was so heavy. I started thinking of ways she would lie about me steeling something or not doing what I was told. Why?
In the past that happened to me and I had no way to defend myself. I was accused of changing a companies computer password and being on facebook and netflix .
They called me useless and did just like that to me.
I felt hurt I never saw it coming. I cried and I bet they felt my turmoil.
So much confusion in this world if you don't guide your mind the right direction.
I was all of a sudden confronted with death.
Cuz in a world like that discribed who would survive?
But at the end I did as a phenix
I trived
I made the best of me and from the ashed I rised!
I love my self and I will not give up
Yet I feal like death would be the best resting place at the moment I can ever have.
The end
