Tempting Fire

Untitled Part 16

Jen took it surprisingly well, confused but was still excited. I just hope Elise is nice just she doesn't like me, and I think it's because I killed someone.

I had a heavy weight on my chest every day. I still wanted to understand everything but how could I do that when they aren't telling me the full truth. I decide to message Cain and it gives me small butterflies in my tummy.

*Can you tell elise to please be nice? I need to have a good night*

I hover over the send button unsure if I should write anything else.Jen had to pop home, so I am currently making everything cosy hauling down two duvets to the sofa. I hear a small thump from upstairs. My bedroom. I stand stalk still not breathing my mind going blank. "No crying, no make-up, no talking about recent celebrity crushes. I could go on, but you look like your about to be sick?" elise cocks her head to the side like she is trying to understand me. I finally manage to take a breath; I quickly walk off to take my cake out in the oven.

 I couldn't let her see the tears that were now drowning my face I can't live like this forever feeling like someone was coming to hurt me. They are here to protect me so someone out there wants to hurt me. More than elise clearly does whenever she sees me. I push down the panic attack that is trying to surface, all I want to do is fall to the floor and forget about my life. The thought of this sleep over is the last thing I want to do now. I want to run away. Maybe I could?Tapping on the door interrupts my thoughts. Jen.

"Elise can you get that?" I run upstairs without listening for a reply. I just need a few minutes to calm the raging lion inside of me that wants to run and never look back. I close my door behind me, laying against it as I slide to the floor.

 "Are you ok?" Ace. Sitting on my bed reading.I don't reply but I'm staring at him, he takes steps towards me like he's afraid. I put my head on my knees as I try to protect myself from the outside world. I feel his arm around me as he slides down next to me. He's trying to comfort me, and I want to let him but don't I deserve to feel like this after what I did?"I don't want to be alone again, I feel like I'm slowly being crushed with panic every time I hear a little noise" my voice breaks, I don't look up knowing that he will look at me with sympathy that I don't deserve."Your never alone, ever. At least one of us is always here I thought you knew that?" I wait for the comfort of his words knowing that they are keeping me safe, but it doesn't come.

I lean more into him; my body so desperately wants to cling to him and not let go. He wraps both his arms around me as my breathing slows. "Can you stay? I know elise is here but" he doesn't let me finish my sentence; he knows. "I will be up here the whole time"I shake my head at him "no come downstairs" I knew I was being irrational, but I just needed him there.

 Being here is the safest I have felt in a year. I think of Cain, but I knew that I wasn't safe with him. My heart wasn't safe with him."umm how would we explain a guy on girls' night?" he says as he still hasn't let go of me. He chuckles a little. I don't think he realises I'm being serious. "Please" I move to look up to him but not ready to move away as my hands are crumpled in his shirt. I blush embarrassed. "Ok" he sighs. I want to cry again but I don't.

I go downstairs with my freshly washed face. I can hear elise and Jen talking, I swear I hear a laugh too."Yay you have braced us with your presence" Jen giggles and bows. I wave my hand back like the queen. I look to the door waiting."ok I know this was meant to be girls night" I bite my lip with nerves, Jen has been so excited for this and I'm about to ruin it, I know now it was a bad decision I made out of fear, I mean what can harm me in my living room with him being upstairs and not beside me?The door sounds a knock, ace. They both look confused and Elise looks like chase ready to attack who ever has disturbed the peace."I invited ace" I rush the words out not sure if they heard but they both look back at me, confused. Then Jen gives out the smallest of squeals. My dog growls like he thought he heard a cat meow. It makes me laugh, I walk past both pair of staring eyes and I open the door to ace waiting nervously with his hands in his pocket. I suddenly feel bad for him.I mouth the word sorry to him, but he just grins and walks past me brushing my arm. Making me realise why I wanted him here in the first place.

I'm safe.

The night went great, Elise seemed to relax more with Ace there, although she wasn't too happy at first as really, she didn't need to stay. Jen was asleep on the floor right next to chase, if she woke now, she'd have a heart attack. I was still next to Ace like I had been all night I could see Jen giving me side glances and used every excuse I could not to be alone with her. He ate ice cream with us, read our magazines and watched a romantic comedy, he drew the line at us painting his nails.

"You ok now?" Ace whispers across from me.I nod and smile at him thankful. I snuggle into the sofa more, tired and ready for sleep. "Do you need me to let you sleep now?" he asks as he comes towards me. "Not yet, I'm enjoying being normal." It was nice.

My phone buzzes in my pocket leaving a burning sensation. Needed to be answered but I ignore it.

"Do you think things will ever be normal for me again?" I look to him meeting his gaze waiting for his reply. "I don't know" His answer didn't scare or surprise me. "What even is normal though Madi? I don't think anyone is" he smiles at me trying to make me feel better, I can't help but smile back at him. "it would just be nice to go to sleep without you know" I say as I look over at Jen, she's sound asleep even a bit of drool too."I want that for you too" he looks over at Jen too, laughing as he notices. "Have you helped someone like me before?" it would be good to know they know what they are doing with me, he shakes his head.

"No, we deal with different things all the time. But you're our first, we know as much as you do. We are looking into everything we can. But you're a first for everyone" he looks away from me as he says it, he feels sorry for me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. "I would tell you more if I could" he says as he touches my leg with his hand. I don't want his sympathy, but he does make me feel better. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again.

"My brother, Jason. He died in my room two years ago. He just stopped breathing, which was it. He died. I've been searching for answers ever since, I've not found any" Oh god. I take his hand; I don't know what to say. We sit there for hours not saying another word. Eventually he moves and it's time for my sleep.

Ace was becoming a good friend, I needed that more than he knew.