Tempting Fire

I was falling

My dreams returned Saturday night, Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday...

Having the feeling of being normal - no dreams and no pain, I think was the worst that could have happened. I found out what it was like to be without them. I tried drinking to see if that was the cause.

It wasn't. But I liked the feeling it gave me.

I tried to have a nap but I went straight to my nightmare. My living nightmare, I hated it. I haven't been to school since Friday, a week ago. I put on a actors winning performance with my mum, but not enough to worry her to take me to the doctors. I told her it was flu, in reality it was much worse.

"How are you feeling today sweetheart?" she puts her hand on my forehead, the forehead that had a hot water bottle on it, just five minutes ago. I needed to show improvement though, "I'm feeling a little better today. I managed to eat the soup you left" I could see the relief in her face and I felt guilty. 

Not guilty enough. "I'm off to work, I will be home before you go to bed. But if you need me, call ok?" I nod and smile.

I turned Jen away at the door most nights, she didn't seem to care that she could catch the flu. I was falling, always falling. I had been camped out on the sofa with chase. He stays as still as possible, as if scared to hurt me. I am so grateful for him, he sees everything.

The door bursts open, making me and chase jump. He's barking, ready to take on who ever stands at the door.

"Crap, I always forget about that damn dog" it was Jen. My heart rate had accelerated, my hand over my heart I really thought I was done for.

"Who even walks into a house like that Jen?"  I almost shout.

"Well, me! Anyways I googled flu and I think I can handle it. I miss my best friend." She has her hands on her hips, determined as ever. I laugh at her, and realise I missed her too. "I have brought ten different types of nail polish, popcorn - in case you can eat?" she looks up waiting for my answer and I nod. "Good" she throws the bag at me. Chase has retreated to the floor watching us. "I have music or a film?" She has a suitcase. Tears threaten to spill but I will them away. "Music" I answer smiling at her

"Final question, Cookie dough or phish food?" she holds up B&J in either hand.

"Both" she grins at my answer. I think she is going to throw them at me but she doesn't and I relax.

"Now budge your ass up and let me sit" she brings over the suitcase.

"What do you have in there? Half your bedroom?" I ask as she opens it. She winks as if saying wait and see.

"Ok mads we have, two magazines. One of them promises to show us how to find the one and the other, well that's the opposite. How to live your life without a man"

"Life without a man for me." I have to say. We both laugh and she agrees. "You mean you and Jared?" I ask and she nods, she doesn't want to say it out loud. I feel like a bad friend and a bad daughter. I have been locking myself away from the outside world and not thinking of what others might be going through.

"I'm sorry Jen." I pull her to me and we hug.

"No your not." She pulls away but she is smiling and I relax.

"Your right, he is a pig and I'm not sorry" I look for her reaction but it hasn't changed. At least they were only together a couple months.

"Right lets cheer both of us up?" and I mean it. I can't give up. "Now what colour are you doing my nails? and what else do you have in that damn suitcase" She grins at me in response.

Hours later I lie in bed next to chase, he's staring up at me as if he understands everything. Maybe he does?

My phone ringtone shrills loudly in my room. I grab it quickly and answer

"Was my mini heart attack not enough earlier you wanted to give me another?" I whisper. Not wanting to wake mum.

Laughing fills the line, but its not Jens. Goosebumps cover my back and arms.

"Who is this?" but I recognise his voice straight away.

"Who do you want it to be?"

"How did you get my number?" I try to whisper again but its hard.

"I Checked your phone. Is that creepy?" he talks in a low voice.

" A little. Not serial killer creepy though." I surprise myself by laughing.

"But if you had looked at your phone before picking up you would see I saved mine and Why are we whispering?" he whispers to me and I shiver. A reaction I do a lot lately.

"Well you don't need to, but I don't want to wake my mum up" Chases ears perk up as I shift in bed.

"Come outside then?"

"What??" I shout and cover my mouth.

"Is it serial killer creepy yet?" He sounds serious.

"Yes and beyond. Way beyond." I don't know if I should laugh or not but I do.

"So are you coming out or not? because I feel like a five year old waiting for his friend to come out to play"

My feet have already made the decision for me and I am out of bed making for my bedroom door.

"Yes" I hang up. I can't believe what I am doing, its nearly midnight and I'm sneaking out to see a boy. Although boy didn't fit him one bit.

I make it outside without making a noise and I'm surprised at how stealthy I am.

He is standing outside of his car leaning on the door waiting for me. He has a short sleeve shirt on and I'm surprised to see tattoos on both his arms.  Its cold out and I shake my head at his fashion choice.

"Can I just clarify its more than three to be classed as a serial killer right? Or is it three or more" I can see the smile playing on his lips as he says it.

"This is our second midnight meet" I say ignoring his question.

"So what are we going to do tonight? I have alcohol" he points to inside his car and I remember the feeling it gave me and I want more of that. "Or we can-"

I interrupt him "Alcohol" I say surprising myself and him. "But you need to drive after it?" I ask. He hands me a bottle, I don't recognise but I only started drinking a week ago. I take a sip and screw up my face, this didn't taste as good as my mums wine.

He shakes his head to answer "I just live around the corner" my eyes go wide and I almost spit my drink out. "I've never seen you around before?"

"I only come out at night" he says.

It feels like his eyes are boring into mine and can see all my truth. I look away as if to hide my secrets. He smiles.

"Can we go in your car? Its cold." Its then that I remember I have my black pyjamas on. No one has ever seen them. I hesitate before getting in, Its not a big deal.

We sit, side by side in his truck. I can feel his body heat, it makes me want to get closer but I don't. I am on my third bottle and they warm me, once again I feel my eyes getting heavy and I don't fight it. My head slowly made its  way to his shoulder and I seen him look down at me. I remember he looked sad.

I sleep and I don't dream.

Again.