as long as you care

xvi. I DON'T REMEMBER

chapter sixteen,

i don't remember.

┠━━━━━━━━━━┦

[unedited] 16.

the pillow beneath my throbbing head was filled to the brim with tears of agony; the slight tremble of a bottom lip was the only expressive part of my body as i settled incomprehensibly into my broken sheets, reminiscing the jolt of pain my body felt during zak's words of explanation; the hurt i felt deep in my core as i processed the ache that would never escape his body—despite how hard he tried to avoid the thought of his past, and the struggle he fought against while i was unconscious and unable to comfort him.

"why hasn't anybody told me about this? why was it kept a secret?" my shattered voice hoarsely questioned, the waterfall of bewilderment and disorientation remained descending rapidly along my cheeks. "how am i alive?"

zak's face held anguish, his pink lips forming his words with a quiver to the touch, "nick called an ambulance." he expressed. "that was clay's.. bully?" i acknowledged.

"emphasis on was, love. they were really close friends after that. clay needed someone — and you weren't there. so they became really close, until nick left him. it was a dare from george for nick to become clay's friend. once nick began to enjoy their time together, he had to leave. he couldn't ruin the dare he worked so hard to achieve; so he left clay without a word. clay didn't know why, but he had lost both of his best friends for no apparent reason. he blamed himself. you survived, but suffered memory loss. that's where the scar on your head is from. it's from me." zak recounted, his sparkling eyes shriveled into an apathy of gloom. he was reliving his childhood within the words, feeling the slurs and profanity of hatred being drilled into his skull once more, "it's my fault you're a zero. my fault why you don't remember your childhood."

my hands glided against the tidal waves that washed against my skin and brushed against his peach face, running my fingers through his hair. "it's not your fault, zak. it would never be your fault." my palms danced around the tsunami he had created, finding their own way to articulate my feelings with a dash of a caress on his cheek, "you're not him. you're zak. you never meant for any of this to happen."

he fought against the water, struggling to breathe in a room lacking oxygen, "but if we had never been friends, none of this would've happened. right now, you would've been a ten. you would've been so happy without me. i've caused so many people pain. look at clay, he's a mess. because of me."

"he let jealousy take over himself, that's something only he has control over."

"if i wasn't here, who would he be jealous about?" zak declared, hoisting himself onto his elbows and glimpsing at my tears, "you would've been completely his. still, he doesn't know why you left him for me, and if i'm being honest, i don't know why you did, either."

"i don't think i meant to ignore him, i only made new friends. i guess i got too caught up in you, but that's a common thing in life. people make new friends, it didn't mean i disliked him. i was young, though. i don't know. i don't remember." i admitted shamelessly, and more water spilled from my eyes, "i don't remember."

"it's okay," he emphasized, swirling his body over to where i was. fighting against the drastic sting of debris that hid deep in the water—going blind to the human eye, he rose atop the surface, pleading for air that he seized. his mask constructed of compliments and sudden beams of joy began to camouflage behind the sea, the particles mixing in with the toxic waters.

he was exposed; the pages of his densely assembled book began to unravel; the fear he hid under was now beginning to rise, "i'm a disappearing act done poorly."

"what?" i questioned, propping myself alongside zak's solemn frame. zak faced toward me, his dubious eyes staring into my own, "your parents hated me. they— they wanted me gone. so, when my dad was sent away, i lived with my grandmother. i was out of your life forever, until my grandmother was too old to sustain herself, and had to move into a nursing home. my mother moved into her house, and beckoned me to move into the one on neopolian. that was this year, and.. and when i found out that we went to the same school, and i saw you that day- it was the first time i saw you since the accident.

"i couldn't believe my eyes. it was you. that's why.. i was so eager to hang out with you.. i just needed to talk to you. i missed you so much, muffin."

i held onto his hand dearly, and he saved me, brought me onto the surface. there was still more sea we had to tread—obstacles that would block the stairway to perfection, but together, we created a pathway of stars. each shining brightly, assembled uniquely, and never underestimated their own light. for the galaxy wouldn't look complete without the bundle of beauty that went unnoticed most days, but continued to carry their legacy until their legacy no longer stood.

"i wish you were there for me after the accident." i made him aware of the emphasis on my last word, reaching out and cradling him into an expensive hug. zak understood, wrapping his arms of love around my body, whispering gently into my ear, "we're strong. we got through all of that and still somehow met again. i will be with you through everything else. i promise you."

"will you be with me tomorrow? at school, with that video of us going around?" i asked, but i already knew the answer.

"of course, love." zak broadly smiled, "i've grown from my past. i've grown stronger, baby. i've learned that nobody else is in charge of me except for myself. their opinion is their opinion, and i can't change that. the only thing i can change is how i react."

reaching over his warm body, i examined his beautiful eyes and handsome face—and on instinct, kissed him passionately on the lips. i planted my hands on his cheeks, squeezing him gently. he moved his softly against mine, and the storm stopped. the tsunami faded, and the book's cover held no more pages. because his story was now my story, and we would live with together; writing our own future and forgetting about our cruel past, enjoying life accompanied with each other.

pleading for air, i removed my lips from his, resting our foreheads together. his breath was mine, and in that moment i knew, "i love you."

"i love you too." he instantly replied, like he had been waiting for those words to mutter out of my mouth forever.

i connected our lips, breathing in completion.

»↠ ≈☆≈ ↞«