as long as you care

x. I DON'T KNOW

chapter ten,

i don't know.

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[unedited] 10.

tears streamed down my face as i walked hurriedly, slowly approaching the end of our street. i avoided eye contact with anything/anyone that wasn't the concrete below me, and as i grew closer to the end of the street, i looked up.

zak was there, standing nervously beside the street sign. he wasn't facing my way, but forward. he was typing quickly on his phone, an angry expression plastered on his face. he was crying, too, but more subtly than i.

jogging, i caught up to him. he looked up at me, our sad eyes meeting each other's.

i ran into a hug, squeezing him tightly beneath my fingertips. with the same passion, zak hugged back, snuggling his head into the crook of my neck.

our tears mixed together like an inferno, exploding all of our emotions into a wildfire spreading at a rapid pace. the tears sizzled away from his sun rays, a mixture of fire and water colliding together that created an accidental masterpiece. zak lifted his hands into my hair, whispering closely, "you're mine."

with his broken words, he turned into a sobbing puddle. i softly pulled back from our embrace, caressing his sides with love. he seemed more hurt than i was, so i pressed my lips against his cheek.

"tell me what's going through your head." i asked him. he needed me now, and i'd be there for him.

zak sat in my arms, absolutely losing it. his eyes were red from tears, but even through the fog, he found mine, "clay just — that.. that one day-" he breathed shakily, "when i told everyone i was a zuh- zero.. clay told me to never go near you again." he covered his mouth, shaking his head with disbelief and sadness. he wiped his tears, but they kept on coming, "he- he said that i meant nothing to you.. and that, i was just an annoyance."

i tightened my grip on his waist, letting him know that i was here. he continued, "i knew, i just knew, he was jealous of us. it's — it's so obvious, but- but then he started digging in my past, and- and.." he wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling his face into my chest, "he found — he knows so much, it's sca- scaring me. and.. and now," his words were muffled from the clothing, "the video going out, i don't know what else he could use against me.. and — and he just texted me, saying - saying that you aren't mine anymore. that you had him again. he was yours, and not mine, and i can't do that. i just can't."

"i'm all yours, zak." i laid my head on his, rubbing circles on his back, "clay isn't going to do anything to you. i'm not going to leave you."

"he — he knew i was a zuh- zero too.." he trailed, listening to my heartbeat, "that's why i had to tell them all so early. i wasn't .. god, i wasn't ready, but what - what they were saying to you, i wanted to hurt them so badly. hurt them with the truth. so i did. they deserved every second of that. they even — they even tried to get me to," he stopped, "get with you for a dare. what — what kind of dare is that." he said, his last word cracking and turning into more tears. he sobbed loudly, still managing to be perfect somehow, "i love you way too much to ever do that. they're — they're.. they're so.. ugh!"

i placed my hand on his head, breathing in slowly. i had to be strong for him; just like he always had done for me. "don't think about those people right now. they're not worth your stress, your tears. remember, you have me, i'm right here. clay can't do anything to you, because he's weak. he tried to make you stay away from me, but you're right here, in my arms. we have won. we have something they don't have." i linked our hands together, "we have love."

zak nodded, "i know, i know." he brokenly begged, "but — it doesn't matter what i do, i'm always.. i'm always just.. in that place where you're gone.. i'm not- i'm," he tried to put himself back together, but he continued to crumble, "i'm just-"

"it's okay," i reminded him, threading my fingers through his hair, "it's all okay. i'm right here, and i'm not leaving any time soon. i'm all yours, zak."

"be my boyfriend." he asked, untangling himself from my chest and looking at me. his eyes were still filled with tears, but hope was hidden behind the puddles, "officially."

"okay," i replied, my heart doing somersaults. zak kissed my nose, cheek, and forehead, saying, "i love you, darryl. i do. i know you're not ready to say it back yet, and i completely understand that."

i nodded my head, telling him, "if you ever need anything, you can always talk to me." i lifted his chin with my thumb, nuzzling our noses together, "we're in this together, right?"

"right, yeah. together. i like that." zak smiled weakly, "you're the best person ever, darryl. you're so amazing, and.. and your number is so, so misleading. i say it to you every day but you're seriously so handsome and amazing and.. i don't say it enough, but you're my muffin." he laugh-cried, "you're my muffin."

i smiled with him, wiping a stray tear that escaped. "i'm your muffin."

zak linked our hands together, walking over to his house. i asked, "are you going to go to school tomorrow?"

"i don't know." he admitted, walking me to a small corner of his house and pressing me gently against the brick. my eyes widened, and i questioned, "what're you doing?"

"helping you." zak said. i was confused, until a familiar wave of nostalgia filled my lungs.

i heard a young voice yell, "hey! what're you doing!"

"giving you a kiss! muah!"

"ew! it's sloppy!"

"too bad! here's another one-"

"aah!"

zak knowingly smiled at me, but the pieces still weren't fitting together. those voices were too familiar to me. they sounded.. they sounded..

they sounded like us.

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