Clarity {Luke Hemmings}

E I G H T

Rennick's POV

Every single part of my body was radiating this unreal energy. I could feel every single rhythm, every lyric coursing through my veins. I had to pinch myself repeatedly so that I knew I wasn't dreaming because it all just seemed too good to be true. Song after song I sat stood there starstruck at what I was witnessing, it was beautiful.

Do you know those times when you get so enveloped into a thought or a conversation? That is what I was doing, it was an out of body experience that was so breathtakingly wonderful that I was actually worried about the ending of the show... worried. I didn't want the amazing feeling of being immersed in that element to go away so bad that I was actually physically worried about the inevitable end.

Whatever it was I was searching for on this summer-long journey, I knew right there that I would be able to find it because I felt so at peace and so in tune with myself in that very moment that there was no way an entire summer of feeling like this couldn't open my eyes to some greater purpose that I was meant for.

Song after song I gazed through the crowd up at the energetic performance being put on by the four boys. They jumped across the stage, kicked their legs up, rocked out the whole time. 'I would be so exhausted after 90 minutes of this oh my goodness' I thought as they continued their antics on stage.

My seats for this show and most of the others were on the main level which was general entry. Basically, the earlier you got there, the better chance you had of pushing your way to the front of the crowd and getting the best possible view. My 5'3, slender frame was not exactly built for shoving people out of my way, however. But I didn't care, I didn't need to be right next to the stage to get the full experience I was looking for, I was there for the music after all. 'Yeah okay, sure you are... just here for the music Ren', I thought to myself sarcastically.

This thought made me think back to Luke and the exchange we had at the airport,

'If you can even call it that'

I mean let's be real, he probably has interactions like that with thousands of people and he most likely doesn't even remember it or me. 'I will not allow myself to get hung up on this because it is just going to cause me to get my feelings hurt and we do not have time for hurt feelings this summer' I concluded. So that was that I was going to move on from the airport scenario and was going to make new, REAL memories over the rest of this journey.

'How mature of me' I snarked.

It had finally gotten down to the last song and I felt my stomach drop in disappointment. What an incredible show, come to an end. I am sure I would've been even more distraught if it wasn't for the fact that I would be enjoying 49 more of these earth-shattering shows.

They would be performing one more show in LA before heading out to the next location of the tour. I was already getting excited for two nights from now when I would be back in the same spot, listening to them over again, getting another chance to see Luke... 'NO!' I instantly scolded myself and moved on.

"LA you've been incredible, we love you so much!" yelled Ashton as he had come out from behind his drum set to give the crowd a proper goodbye.

All the boys waved and said their goodbyes and I love you's to the crowd, telling us what an amazing time they had and that they couldn't wait to see us again.

Then it hit me... backstage.pass. In the emotional rollercoaster that had been my evening, I had completely forgotten that I had a backstage pass for after the show!

Once this realization hit me I began working my way through the crowded pit area to try and find an open spot to gather myself and figure out my surroundings. My ears were ringing and I was completely lost as to where I was in the grand scheme of the arena.

One thing about me, I do not do well in crowds. At all. But I was not always like that.

My freshman year of college I went to a kick-off to the school year party with some of the people from my dorm hall. We hopped from frat to frat, enjoying the night as we went. I probably had had too much to drink by the time we made it to the last frat.

Let me stop the story there to say, that is no reason to be treated poorly, nor does it give anyone an excuse to take advantage of the intoxication level I was at.

At the last fraternity, I am not even sure which one, to be honest, I was dancing on the bar with some of my friends, once again getting lost in the music, when a pair of hands gripped around my waist.

As I turned I instantly recognized the guy, he had been eyeing me since I walked in and while the attention was flattering, putting his hands on me was another thing entirely. So I hopped off the bar and made my way into the center of the overly crowded room as a defense mechanism, hoping he wouldn't be able to find me and would then just give up.

15 or so minutes later, I felt those same familiar hands wrap around me once again, this time tighter and with much more force. This time his actions screamed, 'this is not an option, you will let me do this' and I instantly started pulling away.

Despite the hundreds of people surrounding me, my constant pleas for help and the loud "NO's" that I was giving the nameless guy, he continued to trail his hands all over my body, kissing my neck and telling me he was going to take me home.

Right there, in the middle of all of those people, no one helped me. No one said a thing. In fact, one of this guy's fraternity brothers actually high-fived him when he saw the guy forcefully put his hand up my skirt.

So, yeah. Crowds suck. I don't trust them. That was a big thing I was trying to overcome on this trip over the summer. I needed to feel safe in my own skin again.