London is For Lovers

6.

After going sightseeing I'm at Dan and Phil's again. I'm watching TV while they are planning on a new video. But I don't really pay attention to the TV. I'm thinking.

I'm thinking about the reason I moved here. I'm thinking about how this is a whole new chance to make everything better. I don't think I can make it better though. The only way I might be able to start over is when I tell someone about my past. My horrible, horrible past. I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. "Madison? Are you okay?", I hear Dan say and it a matter of seconds he's sitting next to me. I wipe my tears away and nod slowly. "What's wrong?". "Nothing". "Don't lie to me! You can tell me everything you know". So I start to tell them everything.

Flashback

"Madison you stupid piece of shit get your ass here!". My abusive father shouts at me. Again. He's been doing that since he started to become an alcoholic. My parents are divorced, so my mom doesn't know about him being violent towards me. I grab my purse and I try to sneak out of the front door. "You're not going anywhere, Miss! Where do you want to go to, huh? Always remember that everyone hates you. Always remember that you don't even like yourself. Always remember that no one wants to be even near you". I feel the tears streaming down my face as he runs towards me and grabs my arm. It hurts so much. "Let me go!", I scream. He pushs me downstairs and throws me in the basement. Then he locks the door. The basement is where I'm most likely escaping to. I always lock myself in there. My dad never goes in here, so he doesn't know whats inside. Razor blades. Knifes. Sleeping pills. I once tried to kill myself in here but I woke up. Overdosing on the pills didn't work. That's how I spend nearly every weekend.

I spend my weekdays at school. I wouldn't even attend school but my mom is making me. She knows about all the other students bullying me. She doesn't know about them beating me up though. She always says: "If you want to achieve anything in life, you have to stay strong. Things won't be bad forever". Sometimes I start to doubt that. I'm never going to achieve anything in life.

I reach for the blade thats lying next to me. I push it against my arm and mark it with three cuts. Then reach for the pills. "Please", I whisper as I swallow them.

Flashback End

"It didn't work", I whisper under tears. I just completely opened up to Dan and Phil. That feels so weird and good all at once. "And I'm glad it didn't", Dan mumbles and hugs me. I sit in his lap and wrap my arms around him. "I'm so glad you're alive, Madison. You're such a strong, beautiful human being. Never think about doing something like that again". I slowly nod. "We love you Maddy. We're going to help you forget your past and move on. We're there for you", Phil says and joins the hug. "I love you guys", I sob. "Do you want some ice cream?", Dan asks. I smile and nod. "Let's watch some cute animal videos! That cheers everyone up!", Phil suggests and I laugh. "I'm going to take my makeup off, be right back".

After I return from my bathroom I join Dan on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder. Suddenly my phone rings. It's Josh. "Hai!", I greet him. "Hey Maddy! How are you doing?". "Okay I guess, what about you?". "I'm good! I wanted to ask if you want to meet up at my house tomorrow at 2?". "Yeah sure, Joshy. Just give me your adress and I'll come over", I laugh. He tells me his adress and we hang up.