Random Shit my Friends & Family Say

Daily Life (1)

Jax: "I'm gonna make dinner."

James: "What are you gonna make?"

Jax: "Larry!"

James: "WTF!"

Asher: "Wobstew!"

James: "Oh! The lobsters."

Me: "Duh!"

James: "Of course you knew what he meant you married him!"

Me: "YOU NAMED THE LOBSTERS EARLIER WHEN WE BOUGHT THEM!"

James: 😶

Jax: "You named them Larry, Carl, Alice, Ricky and Jinx."

James: 😶

Asher: "Anty dum!"

Me: "He's uncle right now honey not Aunty! Look at his bracelet."

Asher: "Oh. Unca dum!"

~~~~~~~

Jem: *Making the Grudge's groaning sound*

Jax: "Stop it."

Jem: *Stops for a few seconds then does it again*

Jax: "Stop it!"

Jem: *Continues making the Grudge's groaning sound*

Jax: "I SWEAR TO WHATEVER DEITY YOU BELIEVE IN, IF YOU DON'T STOP I'LL SUMMON THE APOCALYPSE"

Jem: *Stops*

Jax: "Thank you!"

Jem: *Starts again*

Jax: "FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

Asher: "For fuck sake!"

Jem: "Oooohhhh your in trouble!"

Me: "Who's in trouble and what's with the yelling?"

Asher: "For fucks sake!"

Me: *Looks at Jax* "You're sleeping on the couch for a week Jax!"

Jax: "It's her fault. She sounds like the Grudge!"

Me: "She does that when she's bored or concentrating."

Jax: "Concentrating? That helps her concentrate?"

Jem: "Yep!"

~~~~~~~

Me: *Cooking dinner*

Lexi: "What are you making?"

Jax: "Italian!"

Me: "Spaghetti, Garlic breadsticks, Caesar Salad, and Zucchini And Tomato Ragu."

Louis: "He's making Pee-Stew!"

James: "You mean Pasta?"

Louis: "I said what I meant!"

Jax: "Don't say it again! You might give Asher the wrong idea!"

~~~~~~~

Jax: "Keith can you help me shave? I don't want to cut myself again."

Me: "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit and the vermin of the world inhabit it."

Jax: "Nevermind baby! I'll just do it myself!"

Kain: "Why?"

Cass: "Keith quoted someone who killed people with a straight razor!"

Kain: "WHAT?!"

Calleigh: "You know that song they danced to at their wedding?"

Kain: "The creepy one about pretty women?"

Nick: "Yeah."

Kain: "Why?"

Miles: "It's from Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street."

Hank: "It's their favourite movie."

Libby: "Don't ask why."

Me: "He and I love musicals and horror movies!"

Jax: "Put them together and you get our favorite movie!"

Cass: "I know what to get you for a present then!"

Me: "Huh?"

Calleigh: "Your birthday is coming up!"

Cass: "I'll buy you tickets to see Betelgeuse on Broadway. It'll be expensive but If I do get them I think you two won't ever ask me for anything ever again!"

Jax: "You're Damn right we won't!"

~~~~~~~

Jax: "Jem make sure Lexi and Louis are ready for school."

Jem: "Don't I always! You don't need to remind me! I always let you know when we leave and if one of them is sick. If I'm sick I let you know, drop them off and come home!"

Jax: "Then explain why I've been told you missed 7 classes last month!"

Jem: "You see nothing, you hear nothing, you know nothing!"

Me: "Jax let's go before we're late!"

Jax: "Why did you take the morning shift? You are hard to wake up and you barley sleep in the first place!"

Me: "My delayed sleep phase disorder does not influence my love of children!"

Jem: "Then have another! I'm sure Asher would love a little sibling!"

Jax: "If he thinks he can handle another. Or if we can find a surrogate!"

Asher: "Suwohgit!"

Me: "Great now my coworkers will know I'm thinking about having more kids! I hate you Jem!"

Jem: "Allonsy~" *Runs into kitchen*

Jax: "More kids aren't bad!"

Me: "We'll talk about it later. I barely survived Asher and I don't like the idea of someone else having my child."

Jax: "There's a kin of 3 who'll rise beyond a family tree, That'll bring a whole new glory to a fiery prophecy!"

Me: "What?"

Jax: "It's from a song one of the YouTubers you like made!"

Me: "Oh. Yeah. Anyway move your arse or we'll be late!"