Why

Lost

"Luke... Please... Answer the phone..I feel alone... I feel cold and I can't stop myself...  Please... answer the GOD DAMN PHONE!!! I..I...need you.. Please Luke... Help me.." 

His slurred and sobbing voice left me paralyzed. I quickly deleted the messages left from him, fumbling my phone in the process almost dropping it. I need to call him is the only thing running through my mind. I quickly run through my contacts and find his name. Within a second the ringing sound was in my ear and my heart suddenly stopped when he picked up the phone.

"Hey... Luke.... You finally decided to talk to me." He said trying to laugh but it only sounds like a sob. I sat still... He sounds like he hasn't stopped crying for ages. Heaven must have really took a big part of him.

"Daniel... I'm really sorry... I was busy... I honestly was trying to answer your calls but... I have family crap that I have to deal with but I'm here for you now..."

"It's okay... But I'm better so we... We don't really need to talk.. I'm fine... Its been a couple hours and its okay..." Really... I stay there as those words reverberated around my head. He's lying to himself and I can even tell. His voice is dry from crying so much and raspier than usual.

"Daniel... I know that's not true. Don't lie to yourself it only makes matters worse. If you were really feeling okay you wouldn't have called so many times... Daniel.. I'm here for you and that's what friends are for." Friends... But I don't want to be his friend I want to be something more. My mind suddenly switched back to its original state of emotional breakdown.

"Daniel... I hate seeing you... Hearing you.. Even being near you when you are like this... It only makes me feel worse... I care about you a lot and seeing you like this destroys me... So please let me help you.." As those words leave my mouth I can only feel the tears cloud my vision and poor down my face.

"Please.. Daniel.. Let me.. Help you.." 

It was silent for the next minute. The only sound that was made was from our quiet sobs and sniffling noses.

"Luke... I'm confused.. You wouldn't understand... You don't understand... You just don't... The pain of falling in love but being told that you and that person will never be... Luke.. Just... Just..just..." His quiet sob erupted into a full fledge cry. The more he cried the more it ripped me inside.

"Daniel... I understand how it feels... I know that feeling way too well. The feeling you are going through is what I'm going through right now. Daniel... I.." I'm cut off by his harsh raspy voice.

"Like what... I know that I came for you to help but now it doesn't sound like a great idea... You're only trying to cheer me up with your same shit... Well I'm sorry that it won't work on me... You just don't get it.. I love her and she just went and said that she doesn't like me and never will... Luke just stop... You only make this worse.. So just.. Stop... Leave me the fuck alone.." I'm quiet as he erupts back into sobs leaving me breathless... Should I... Should I really do this...

"Daniel... Please.... Just listen to me... I do understand... I... I..." I begin to stutter before I'm cut off by him again.

"What.. You.. Like someone who doesn't like you back.. Really... You are only trying to make me feel better by making up stuff. Luke.. It won't work I just need to fucking die. Just leave me the fuck alone.."

I sat there quietly for a second before I bursted into tears and saying things that will haunt me forever.

"DANIEL.. I JUST CANT ANYMORE... JUST STOP... I HATE SEEING YOU LIKE THIS... I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO SAY THIS.... DANIEL I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL ITS JUST HARD FOR ME TO SAY IT CAUSE ITS JUST HARD... I.. I... I ADMIRE YOU A LOT CAUSE YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY AND YOU'RE REALLY STRAIGHT FORWARD... AND SEEING YOU LIKE THIS JUST KILLS ME INSIDE... DANIEL.. I.. I JUST CANT..." The tears just kept going my sobs even louder and all I hear from the other side is staggered breathing.

"Luke... What do you mean..." His voice comes soft and with an occasional sniffle.

"Daniel... When you talk to me butterflies float inside of me and it makes me feel warm and happy. Daniel.. When you cry it only makes me feel worse and want to help you become yourself again.... It took me forever but I'm finally ready to tell you..."

"DANIEL.. I LOVE YOU..."

Silence was the only thing in both of our rooms. Until it was broken by his one sentence.

"Luke... I'm sorry.. But I have to go."

Rivers only fell down my face and I felt the exact same way I felt the first time... Lost...