Why

Butterflies

I slowly rise out of bed and make my way to my desk which holds my glasses. In doing so I trip over my groggy self and my face meets the carpet. "I'm so done" I say to myself as I try to pull myself up and recollect myself. I find my glasses and head for the light next, again I trip but this time I am able to safe myself. I should've slept I think to myself as I turn on the light blinding myself in the process. When my vision is no longer blurred I'm greeted with a mess of clothing on the floor topped with blankets. I sigh and begin to "clean" the mess thinking of sleep and sleep only, which doesn't last long. After finishing up my room I make my way to the bathroom and do what you normally do in bathrooms. As I brush my teeth I stare my reflection dead in the eye and the same thoughts comeback. Your this... Your that... Am I too deep in love? Am I... I push through it and return to my room where I put on a pair of black jeans and a blue Pokemon shirt. I finish the look off with a gray and plaid jacket which I've had since last year. I make my way down the hallway and is greeted with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and my mothers caring eyes.

"How was your night" she says as she takes a sip of her coffee. "Horrible.. I didn't get any sleep" I answer with a sleepy tone. I pour my self a cup and add the creamer then down the whole cup and go for seconds. "Why?? Were you nervous? You can tell me what's wrong" she says with a concerned face which honestly scares me. "Umm I was nervous cause its the second day of school and yeah..." Some how that worked cause she gave me a hug and disappeared into her room to get ready, leaving me in the kitchen all alone. Honestly I like being alone, I feel at peace and in a way... happy.

The clock now reads 6:27 and I just got to school. My mom says her goodbye and I make my way to the doors of hell. My legs begin to feel weak and my heart begins to race, and I find my self stopping to catch my breath. I'll be okay I think to myself you can do it... Be strong... Also make an appearance in my mind.  I open the door and make my way to my friends who sit outside and play music on guitars like total hipsters. When I get there its only me, Terra, and Kat.

"Hey bitches" I say in the happiest voice I can. I love seeing my friends, they are the only people in the world that keep me sane on this crazy planet. "Look its the basic bitch" Terra jokes as she flies through posts in tumblr. We all laugh and Kat ask me about my night and stuff like that. After I tell her about my night, more and more of our friends appear and within a second there's like 20 divergent conversations and never ending laughs.

I sit alone for about 3 minutes until my friend Aron pushes me over and laughs at how I didn't grow during the summer. Aron is a tall lanky guy with long straight hair. He's not as straight as he claims he is.

"Hey" I say with a monotone voice. "Hey!!! We have chemistry together" is all I could hear cause the bell cuts him off. Honestly I'm happy it did cause he always talks and today I didn't want to deal with it.

Orchestra is the same all everyday... We get our instruments, play, put them away. Its boring but whatever... Its fun. The bell rings and its time for English.

I make my way out of the orchestra room and walk in the direction of my English class, saying hi to people I know and stuff like that. As I approach the door the same feeling of "butterflies" fill my body again. I slowly walk into the room and see the board with a seating chart plastered on it. I sigh and read it and then I fall apart. The chart is in alphabetical order and it just happens that Luke Kurro sits right in front of Daniel Lord. I slowly turn around and walk to my seat. Great... I think to myself I'm fucked.

The tardy bell rings and he isn't here and it surprises me cause most people don't miss the first week of school including him. Maybe something came up I begin to think when he walks into the room and finds his seat behind mine. He smiles as he walks by and the smell of his cologne kills me. By this time I lost everything, I lost it all to him. My stomach fills up with butterflies and my palms become sweaty, and feel little again.

What do I do... I think to myself. Ohhh you can't do anything Luke cause the person that makes you week is sitting right behind you. Have fun with that. Then I hear something from behind me and make the fatal mistake of turning around. At that moment I'm gone and I won't be able to find myself for a long time.