Why

Useless

My room was silent beside the occasional sobbing coming from my mouth and the tears falling from my eyes. My mind was gone, telling him how I felt took a big part of me and destroyed me inside. I feel like a puppet with no strings, I feel... Lost... Useless... Empty... Why should I feel like this I knew it was coming but I never listen to myself. I hope for something good to happen, I hope for happiness, I hope for us, but the last ones impossible and will never happen. Why can't I just forget about him... Why is it so hard... This fucking frustrates me. I shouldn't be like this, but no you get to fall in love with a boy who probably hates you right now for being such a conceded ass which is true... I should have just helped him... Why did I bring myself up... Why did I tell him... Why am I so stupid.

That night I didn't sleep. It was too hard, every time I closed eyes I thought of him and what I said. Each time it happened tears formed in my eyes occasionally falling onto my pillow creating a puddle.

It was now 3:09 and tears and sobs were still my only friends. I debated whether or not I should try to sleep or stay up and drink a shit ton of coffee. Sleeping lost cause I found myself dressed and in the kitchen downing cups like I was in a drinking competition. I stare down the hallaway and is greeted by my mother in pajamas.

"Your up early" my mom says with a chuckle. "How was your night?"

"Horrible.. I didn't get any sleep" I say while yawning.

"Why?" She asks with look of concern on her face.

"I'm not sure... I guess it was just one of those nights" I respond with a frown on my face.

She smiled then gave me a hug and told me that I could stay home tonight cause I looked extremely tired, but I couldn't cause I have dance reheresals today and I can't miss it.

She walked back to her room to get dressed leaving me alone. I stared at the clock in the kitchen and wished for time to slow down due to it being 5:48 already and I have to be at school in about 30 minutes so I can talk to my friends.

"Honey get in the car we're going to be late" she says as she gets into the car, turning it on.

"Hold on let me get my shoes on" I respond with a shaky voice, pulling on my pair of low converse.

As I make my way to the car stomach fills with dread and butterflies which I haven't felt in awhile. As I get in the car the radio is on playing Taylor Swift's Blank Space which I'm done with cause I over played it since she dropped it.

"Are you ready" she asks with a smile on her face

"Sure.. I guess" I respond with an almost inaudible voice.

The car zooms down the street and at every light my body fills with more dread and butterflies. We turn down the street of my school and we slowly pull up to the side.

"Have a nice day" she says with a caring smile.

"Okay" I respond as I leave the car slowly walking to the doors.

I open the door and make my way to the quad where all my friends stand and sit. I'm usually the last one there but today I was the first one to show up. It was empty. It was quiet and I loved it. It gave me time to think. I sit quietly on the table outside waiting for my friends when I see someone walk towards me.

The closer he gets the more I see him. He's wearing our school sweater and a pair of skinny jeans with a pair of vans. As he walks even closer I see his face with acne which isn't ugly but not attractive either. Now he's only 5 feet away and my heart begins to pound, my palms became sweaty, my vision blured. It was Daniel

"Hey" he says scratching the top of his head.

"Hey" I respond looking down at my palms. I've never been so scarred.

"Sooo did you do the homework" he asks staring at my hands.

"No... I couldn't concentrate and I kept getting sidetracked" I respond this time looking at him.

He smiles and says "Yeah.. Same for me. I didn't get any sleep last night and its kicking my ass"

We both laugh and he moves a little closer to me. "I didn't get any sleep either" I say looking into his eyes this time. "Why" I ask but honestly I already knew...

He gives me smile then says the one thing I wasn't expecting.

"I was thinking of you and what you said. It bothered me a lot and I was surprised when you said it. Luke.. I'm not sure how I feel. Honestly I felt lost until you made me feel better. Luke I'm so confused.. I feel like I'm falling."

As those words fall from his lips tears form inside my eyes and within a second his arms are wrapped around me and mine around him. Tears falling from both of our eyes. My head nuzzeled into his neck muffling the sobs dropping tears onto his skin. My hands dig deeper into his sweater as he pulls me even harder into his embrace. His tears landing on my shoulder creating a puddle.

The phrase I love you falls from my lips and he holds me even tighter.  Phrases falling from his lips of don't let me go and hold me cause me to hold him tighter.

He slowly pulls away resting his hands on my shoulders. My hands pulling on on the sides of his sweater. Our eyes locking with each others. Tears falling from both of pur eyes. He pulls me of the table I was sitting on and back into his arms. Pulling me closer to him he rests his head on top of mine as I nuzzle into his chest.

"I love you" he says as he pulls me away so we are looking into each others eyes.

"I love you too" I say as he pulls me only inches away.

A smile reaches both of our faces as tears are falling and nothing in the world can separate us.

He slowly leans down as I look up into his eyes.

"I love you" he quietly says as he brings his lips closer to mine

"I love you" he says again..

"I LOVE YOU" he says again..

His lips touch mine and I lose all my breath. All I can think of is him. His lips are soft and feel like heaven against mine. His hands wrap around my waist and my hands wrapped around his head pulling him closer.  I smile through through the kiss as tears are still falling from my eyes.

He slowly pulls away smiling as tears fall from his eyes. My hands drop and from around his neck to his back as I pull him into another hug.

"Daniel... Please don't let me go... I love you" I say with a smile on my face.

"I won't" he says as he hugs me tighter.

"I love you too" he says.

After another 3 minutes he let's go and I watch him as he walks into the ROTC room to get yelled at for not being at early bird. As he reaches the door he turns around and smiles back as he opens the door and walks in.

I slowly regain consciousness of my surroundings to see all my friends starring at me with weird glances whispering amongst each other.

I slowly move and sit back on the table and think to myself.

Maybe I'm not so useless...