Losing The Past

Part 8

I felt movement in the room, it was something I had developed over the years of fearing for my safety even though the police said I was very safe I didn't feel it. I lay still and keep my eyes closed as I listen. Heavy foot steps moving around the room, the dresser opening, then a door closing. Shortly after I hear the shower turn on, it must be Chuck, err I mean Charlie coming back. 

I stretch on the bed, being in the fetal position made me all stiff and sore. I find the alarm clock on the side of the bed and it says 5:30 am. I rub my swollen eyes and stretch out the kinks the best as I can. I get up and go to the dresser, remembering how he used to keep things in the orphanage and pull open a drawer to reveal shirts. Just as I thought, I smile to myself as his habits haven't changed that much. 

I pull out a clean t shirt and quickly strip out of mine, removing the dirty bra as well. I pull down my pants hating the scratchy feeling of the jeans against my skin. I'm standing there in nothing but my hot pink lacy thong when I look into the mirror and find Charlie standing in nothing but a low slung pair of basket ball shorts and a towel wrapped around his shoulders. His eyes are roaming my body from top to bottom.

I don't cover myself, maybe its because no matter how scared of the things he has done I still want him. I want him to be my Charlie so bad and have things go back to the way they used to be, but they can't. Neither of us are the same any more, we have both grown up and changed. With that thought in mind I quickly throw on his shirt I took out of the drawer. Due to my lack of height and his tall stature the shirt covered my ass and part of my thighs.

As soon as I covered up he threw the towel to the floor and grabbed a wife beater then left the room again. I felt like shit but we can't just pretend that nothing has changed when obviously it has. Can we? Feeling confused and uncertain I crawled back into the bed, under the blankets and again cried myself to sleep, again.

I woke up to the sound of the door closing and the smell of food assaulting my nose. Groaning and rolling over I notice the room is still empty. I slowly get up and pad over to the plate of food, it was stacked high with lots of food but how hungry I felt it looked like heaven. There was two chicken breasts, mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots in some kind of sauce, some kind of biscuit roll and a pile of brown beans.

I sat back down on the bed and looked at the clock, it was already 7:45 pm. No wonder I was hungry. I sat in silence and ate the whole plate of food before deciding I need a shower. I pulled out one of the cute skirts and a cute tank top from the clothes Jenny brought me and went into the bathroom, starting the shower I stepped in. I stood under the hot water enjoying the shower until the water started to run cold, then I quickly washed my hair and body using the body wash and shampoo bought for me as well before stepping out.

What I found on the sink shocked me, there were towels, which I forgot again. Since when did someone come into the bathroom? I swore I locked the door. I dry off and get dressed and brush my hair out. Quickly pulling it back into a braid I exited the bathroom.

Charlie was sitting on the bed dressed in a pair of jeans and a large hoodie, he was hunched over and staring at his hands. At the sound of me clearing my throat he looked up at me, he didn't hide his feelings from me this time, the sadness and hurt that showed in his eyes was devastating.

"We have more to talk about, my boss is in a bad mood and is shortening our time to both convince him that you are useful and me convincing you to stay." he didn't look away but he did school his face to show no emotion. I sighed knowing we needed to have this talk but both of us are hurting, I feel we need to resolve our emotions first. So taking the initiative I went to the bed and sat down beside him. He watched me closely, regarding everything I am doing but never once moving. 

"I understand but we need to hash out something more important first." I took his hand and gave it a squeeze as I continued. "My panic attack was because I got scared, I got worried about the things you have had to do to survive because that would make you like Blade from the Skulls. I was worried about how things would be between us and I panicked. I don't want you to think I hate you because no matter what I can't, but the truth of the matter is that things have changed because we have both grown up, if this is going to work we are going to have to understand that we can't pretend to be how we were back when we were teenagers." I risked the chance to look up at him and he was looking at me with hope and love.

"I know we have changed, but my love for you hasn't changed at all Gnome. I still want to protect you, I still want to be near you and I want to learn about the strong and independent woman that sits in front of me." he tells me honestly, his declaration of love makes tears sting my eyes. Here I was scared he became someone else, but no matter what he has done he is still him.

"Please just give me some time, while in witness protection I was still paranoid and scared that he would find me. I learned to block myself off from the world, from emotions, from everything really. I wasn't living life, I was just kind of automatically doing things day by day. Until now, meeting you again has brought out both the good and bad of my pent up emotions. I cried for the first time last night, its been 7 years since my tears flowed." I admitted to him my weakness.

"Baby, any time you need to cry I will be your shoulder to cry on. If you ever need to be angry, I will bear the brunt of your anger until you feel better. No matter what you need I will do my best to give it to you. I won't say I love you yet, even though I feel it through and through. But I will wait for you to love me back." he kissed the back of my hand as he spoke his words without hesitation.

We sat in silence with smiles on our faces, my heart felt so much lighter as I sit looking at him. He has a goofy smile on his face showing he is feeling better as well. That is dealt with so next step is what to do about his boss and how I can help him.

"Not to ruin the good mood, but what is your plan to convince him that I can be beneficial and stay with you?" he squeezes my hand a little before speaking.

"I have been talking to him about how you can help, I know how you feel about directly hurting people and how your not the hands on type of person. But I know you have a photographic memory and can read people easily, so I figured you would be good at gathering information for him. We have discussed a few jobs that he could use you on, and of course I said I was going with you no matter what. So now he wants to put your memory to the test to see if you are truly as good as you say you are." he gives me a serious look so I understand that I really don't have any other option if I want to stay with him.

Taking a moment to think about this, I decide that to give us a fighting chance and to try to make up for splitting up back then I want to make this work. Even if I have to gather information for a killer, he won't let anything happen to me if I am of use. As long as we can stay safe because I'm sure this boss man cares nothing for anyone but himself.

"Okay when do we prove to him that I can do this?" I asked feeling confident even though on the inside I was a scared little girl reliving all the bad things that had happened to me.

"Tonight. He wants us to go out, pretend that were just two people getting to know each other and gather all the information on a certain person. He has a file with the information we were able to gather, but there really isn't much to go on. Do you think you can do this?" he asked me, sounding slightly uncertain.

I squared my shoulders with determination, "Lets go do this." I smiled at him. He leans over and kisses my forehead before standing up and offering me his hand. We walk out of his room and turn the opposite way of the elevator before coming to the end of the hallway where two large oak doors are positioned. Charlie knocked on the door and my heart dropped down into my stomach as the reality of the situation hit me, well here goes nothing I thought as the doors started to open.