Rescued From Shadows

Chapter Twenty

Maedhros was staring blankly at the papers that were on his desk. He had taken back some duties of king but he just didn't feel right. It just seemed wrong as he was dealing with the papers and the role of king. It was just all wrong. He shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths but he stiffened as he heard the door open. He opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder at his door. Fingon walked in and offered him a smile.

"Hey," Fingon said. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Uh...yeah...fine," He said softly.

Fingon frowned and walked over and asked, "Nelyo? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Nelyo...are you alright?" Maedhros tensed as he heard Marion's mocking voice in the back of his head. He swallowed hard and when he opened his eyes he just turned and looked at Fingon who was looking at him with concern. Maedhros stood up and sat on his bed and took a few deep breaths.

"I can't do this Finno," He said in a shaky voice.

"What do you mean?" Fingon asked. Maedhros just waved his hand a bit at the desk and then looked down.

"I can't take care of our people...not when at random moments I feel...I feel him staring over my shoulder and mocking me." Maedhros said. Fingon frowned slightly and came over to him and sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

"What do you want to do then?" he asked. Maedhros just shook his head and said, "I need some time to think about this...I mean I want to be there for my people. Yet, I do not think I can..."

"Nelyo. Maybe you can talk to my father about this...he may have some ideas." Fingon offered.

"Alright," Maedhros replied. "For now I just want to practice a bit."

He stood up and picked up his sword that he kept near his bed. Fingon stood up and followed him, Maedrhos looked at him and asked, "Where are you going?"

"I am coming with you it's boring to spar alone." Fingon replied. Maedhros just smiled and walked with Fingon outside. They spared for sometime and Maedhros had gotten faster and stronger with his left hand from hours and hours of practice he had put in. They went at it for some time before Maedhros had to stop and sit down and rest. As he sat there his mind went over a lot of things. He knew what he wanted to do about this choice of kingship but a part of him was telling him that this was a rash choice. At the same time he had a feeling he knew what his answer would be. He knew what it will be for sometime but he still was unsure and hesitant.

He wished he could speak to his mother again. It had been sometime since he spoke with his mother, he could use her advice and comfort. He would want to be able to speak with his father but how his father used to be not how he became later on. He closed his eyes and laid back against the tree, he wished he could just have some advice.

"Nelyo?" He opened his eyes and sat up as he saw Maglor there. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just tried," he replied. "I was sparing with Finno."

"Where did he go?" Maglor asked looking around.

"To get some water for us," Maedhros replied.

"Ah," He answered. "Do you want to go rest or are you going to continue?"

"Continue," Maedhros said.

"Alright. Do you mind if I watch you both?" he asked.

"Of course not," Maedhros replied. Maglor smiled and sat by him and he talked with him for a bit and played the most recent song he was working on, on his harp. When Fingon came back Maedhros took a drink and then got back to sparring with Fingon. Maglor watched them until he was called away to take care of some matter. Then shortly after Maglor left Maedhros did stop for that day, he was tired and Fingon saw it. So he sent Maedhros to rest. Maedhros wasn't in any mood to argue with his cousin so he just trudged back to his room. He laid on his bed and closed his eyes and fell asleep faster than he thought he would.

~~~

Maedhros blinked as he looked around and found that he was back in that world of swirling white mist. He turned and hugged his mother who was behind him. Nerdanel hugged back and when Maedhros took a step back she put a hand to his cheek and smiled. "Look at you," She said. "You have that light back in your eyes."

"I do?" Maedhros asked.

"Yes," She said.

"I wish I felt like I did," He replied. She took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze. "You will," She said.

He smiled and hugged her again but pulled back after a moment. "Mamil? How did you know I wanted to talk with you?" He asked.

Nerdanel just smiled and said, "Do not worry about that."

Maedhros found himself laughing since he realized where his brothers got that glint in their eyes when they did something that could have gotten them in trouble. He also assumed he had a similar look in his eyes but either way it was nice to see that they did have somethings they all took after their mother in. She just sat down and patted the ground next to her. Maedhros sat by her and she took his hand. "Now. What's wrong?" She asked.

"I don't think I can lead the Noldor anymore...I just can't. I tried but I just can't. I don't want to let anyone down but I can't lead all those people anymore. Not in the way they need," He said.

"You will not let anyone down," She said. "It'll take more wisdom to know when you can't do something rather than to know when you can."

"But what will they think? What would the enemies think?" He asked.

"They will think whatever they want too or need too. As for our enemies, do not worry what they will think. They may say you are a coward or foolish but if you truly know that you can't handle the weight of the crown then you have more wisdom than their small minds can even start to imagine." She replied.

"What about my brothers? I do not think Curufin or possibly Celegorm will agree with me giving over the crown to Fingolfin's family rather than passing it to Maglor or one of them." Maedhros said. He then paused then looked down at the ground as he realized by saying this he admitted he knew what he wanted to do all along. Yet, his mother just ignored it and was quiet for a few moments as she thought.

"Maitimo?" She asked. "Why do you want the crown to go to Fingolfin instead of one of your brothers?"

Maedhros was quiet before he said, "The oath will hold us back or force us to put our people in a dangerous spot. I can't let all of them be harmed over the oath when they did not take it."

"Then they will understand," She said. "I did not raise any of my sons to be that foolish."

"Are you sure?" Maedhros asked.

"Maitimo," She said her voice scolding him gently but she wore a smile as Maedhros gave a smirk.

"They care more about you and will respect your choice far more than they care about titles." She said. Maedhros smiled and hugged her tightly.

"Thank you Mamil," He said.

"Of course," She said hugging him tightly. She then looked at him and said, "My dear little flame...you are just a wise king as your grandfather was. I am very proud of you."

"Thank you," He said softly as he swallowed a lump in his throat. She smiled and kissed his head. Maedhros smiled and just hugged her until he felt his body slowly drift awake and his eyes open.

~~~

When he woke up he had someone call his brothers to his room. As he waited he took a deep breath and smiled at his mother's words. He could deal with this and his brothers would understand. At least he knew Maglor would and knowing him he'll find some way to convince the others.