No Light: 3 Lives, 3 Worlds , Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms AU

Part 1: Who's Been Sleeping in my Bed?

Bai Qian sat in Zhe Yan's Peach Blossom Orchard, sitting at the other end of his 10 miles of peach blossoms. She usually didn't come this far out, the distance from any structures for convenient sleeping off of alcoholic escapades made it an unfavorable choice. But today, she wanted to make sure that no one would find her easily, and everyone knew how lazy she was; no one would come this far to look.

She wanted to hide, but this was her second home. Her own home was currently overrun by those pesky Celestials, and this had become her only other option by default.

She snorted quietly, taking another swig of her wine. When had she become so homebound that her only two options were here or there?

She knew when. Since Kunlun. Since those events. She tilted her head to the side, admitting she'd spent the past 70,000 plus years in just these two places. Initially, it had been the need to stay near so that she could feed Shifu her heart's blood. And she had never resented that duty because it had been her duty as a disciple. When she had come back from her trial after 200 years away, she had rushed to Shifu's side, the fear riding her hard that he would be gone. Her relief had been immense on finding Shifu exactly the same and still here; the lack of her heart's blood for those centuries had made no difference.

She no longer had to be near him, but even without that excuse, she hadn't left Qing Qiu. The sad truth was that she didn't want to leave her fox den, and that admission depressed her. She'd spent the past 300 years after her heavenly trial, or, as she called it, her mortal trial, hiding away. She'd spent more than 300 years hiding. Even as she waited for Qing Cang to awaken, she'd stayed. And when all of her excuses had been stripped away, she'd continued to stay.

When had she become such a coward? Was it when she became a goddess? Was she afraid to . .. she shook her head. She wasn't going to think about that trial any longer. It was an event to be forgotten.

She continued to drink, staring blearily at the upended jugs lying in front of her. Just how much had she drunk today? No matter, she took another swig of the wine. She was here to deliberately drink herself into oblivion, wasn't she? And the number definitely helped.

A cool breeze caused the leaves of the trees to rustle, the sound distracting her for a moment. The scent of blossoms filled the air, and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes to the late afternoon sun. And in that darkness, her memories beat at her. She was largely a pragmatic person, not letting the past pull at her, but it seemed the years of her life were catching up with her today.

A part of her wanted to return to those young days when she had gone around with Fourth Brother, as they wreaked havoc in the realms. Back to the days when they had to use Zhe Yan's name to get out of trouble. Or even to Kunlun Mountain before the war, before the darkness had come.

But time had trudged on. The war had come, Shifu had sacrificed himself. They had lost 9th. She had gone through her own trial after fighting Qing Cang. She'd sealed him back in, but lost 200 years of her life. Today, as she sat here drinking jug after jug of wine, she felt every one of those 140,000 years. They weighed heavily on her soul. She was so tired. Too tired to do what had been planned.

She took another sip of the wine. Why was the alcohol bringing all of these inconvenient truths to mind? She'd never had that problem with drinking before. Ugh. All this thinking about her emotions was giving her a headache, especially when she spent most of the time ignoring these damned feelings. When had she become so self-aware? Another consequence of that horribly humiliating trial? That half-minded mortal version of her still rattled about in her head, intruding at the most inopportune of times.

Straightening her shoulders, she made a decision. Regardless of what her reasons were, even if it was nothing more than laziness, she had to get out more. She would get out into the world; it was better than stagnating in the same place. So that, even if things went as planned for her, she would have something more in her life than a life set out for her, bound by rules and regulations.