No Light: 3 Lives, 3 Worlds , Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms AU

Part 19: Morning Clear

Bai Qian sat in the village square, her hand lazily waving her fan back and forth. The movements were clumsy, a half beat out of sync, lacking all of the grace she had come to expect from herself. She felt a stranger in her own body. Every time she paid attention, every time she focused on herself, she felt the air constricting in her lungs, the pressure mounting at her temples. Anger was taking the form of electric energy, rushing through her body and driving her to distraction. The flavor of ash sat on her tongue at all times; she was unable to drive the taste away, no matter what she ate, nor how much she drank.

The afternoon air was cool, but did nothing to assuage that fire burning inside of her. No matter how long she sat, how much she pondered, she could not understand Ye Hua's betrayal. She could not rationalize it. And she could not accept it.

She sat back with a huff, the fan falling to her side. She knew what she had to do. But the thing was that, if she knew what she had to do, then why was it so hard to take that first step?

Was it because ... then it would no longer be her secret . . . shame? If she forced her mind to be rational, her brain knew that Ye Hua's actions were no fault of hers, but that did nothing to take away the feelings of shame that were eating away at her pride and her heart. A member of the Qing Qiu Fox Clan had been betrayed by her husband within months of their marriage. She would have to tell that to her parents, to her brothers. Even telling shifu the truth hadn't made the thought of revealing this matter to her family any easier.

But even so, even if she shared this pain with her family, Bai Qian knew that they would understand. They believed in fidelity and love. They would acknowledge Ye Hua's actions as a betrayal. She had no worry that Qing Qiu would take care of the political ramifications, and would directly go to the Nine Heavens and demand that this union be severed. It was no matter that the Celestial Clan allowed concubines. It was no matter that Bai Qian was still the main wife. That the Crown Prince had dared to commit such an act was proof enough that this union could not be.

Beyond her family, the thought of also sharing her most intimate pain with those hard, unforgiving immortals was soul crushing. She knew what Ye Hua's grandfather had wanted with this marriage. She knew that his mother held no liking for her. She knew it; the thought of having to bare herself in front of them ate away at her.

It was only now that she had come to learn that shame and grief made strange bedfellows. They worked together to paralyze, so much so that she could not move forward. She took a deep breath, trying to find stability in the chaos that reigned in her mind. She just had to take the first step and speak.

The rush of footsteps ... the gasps so close to her brought her back to the present and her attention to the surprising number of children surrounding her. She raised her brow in silent query.

"Are you a Goddess?" one little one asked in a hushed tone.

"Or a princess?" another inquisitive voice asked.

"She's so pretty. Maybe she's a fairy princess?" a third voice piped up. A hand shyly reached out and fingered the material of her robes.

Bai Qian flicked her eyes to the side, wondering when she had let her glamour fall away. Fourth brother would be annoyed that she had caused a ruckus when he had been nice enough to bring her down to the mortal realm. "Not like I asked him to do it," she silently muttered to herself. She had begged him to go away while they were here, not wanting to answer the questions that would surely come when she carefully avoided the reason of their descent. He had smiled teasingly before walking away, leaving behind only an admonishment for her to be careful.

Deciding that the best course of action was to make a quick exit, she nodded her head regally and brought up her fan to hold in front of her face. Allowing a small smile to escape, she thoughtfully tapped the edge against her nose.