The "L" Word

Someone to Talk To

Chapter Six

Sam

          When Charlie called Sam saw it as an opportunity to escape.  For months now the tension between his brother Dean and Cas had become almost unbearable, though now he understood why.  He just wondered when it was that Dean first began to have feelings in return for their ragamuffin angel.  Not to mention that on more than a few occasions Dean had declared himself to be straight.  Until now Sam had never considered his brother to be anything but. So what changed?  He knew it had to do with that damn bond that Dean had with Cas.  How many times had he prayed to Castiel for help only to receive nothing back in return?  More times than he cared to admit.  But Cas answered Dean’s prayers, and until his wings were clipped, he answered lightning fast.  Now he would drive clear across the country if Dean asked him too.  Sam didn’t know too many people that would do that for another person.  Getting the call from Charlie had been just what he needed.  They’d waited what felt like ages already for her to get back from Oz, and of course she would show up while they were away on a case.  He checked his watch.  He had left the motel room four hours earlier.  He had at least another four hours before he reached the bunker, but the ride was quiet and definitely lacking in sexual tension which he really didn’t want to be stuck in the middle of anyway.  Cas would help Dean with the case, he was positive of that.  Still, he worried that he was leaving his brother, only human again for a few short months now, to fend for himself.  That was eating at him and more than once he considered turning the car around and going back, but Dean and Cas needed to work through their issues, and if that included them realizing their true feelings he really didn’t want to be around for that.  If anyone could make Dean come to terms with his feelings it would be Cas.  Sam had never been able to drag it out of him, but Cas had a different effect on him.  And it was a positive effect.  He need someone to talk to himself and since talking to Dean was out of the question he looked forward to seeing Charlie.  He put his foot on the gas.  The sooner he got back to the bunker, the better.

          When Sam pulled up in front of the bunker he caught a hint of red hair by the door.  He parked and got out.  “Charlie?”  He called out.  “Over here Sam!”  She replied.  He followed her voice around the side of the bunker entrance and found Charlie trying to close a window.  “You got rain in this room because the window was left open.  Don’t you check this stuff before you leave?”  She asked.  “You couldn’t get it closed from inside?”  Sam asked squatting down next to her.  “No, it was stuck.”  She gave the window a good shove and it finally closed.  They both stood up and she practically leapt into his arms, enveloping him in a bear hug.  He hugged her back.  “Good to see you again big guy.”  She said.  “Glad you’re back.”  She was so tiny next to him that he actually had to lean down to rest his chin on the top of her head.  When they pulled away she was smiling and looking past him.  “Where’s Dean?”  Sam smoothed his hair back and she immediately saw the uncomfortable look on his face.  “So what couldn’t you talk to me about over the phone?  What was so important that you had to drive like ten hours across four states to tell me in person?  You know I’m not into you like that Sam, I bat for the other team.”  She flashed him a cheesy grin as she tried to make light of the situation and ease his discomfort.  He relaxed and smiled back.  “Let’s go inside.  You shouldn’t be closing windows in the dark.”  She nodded.  “It’s kind of creepy out here anyway.” 

          Back inside the bunker Sam relaxed even more.  He sat down at one of the tables in the main room and stretched his legs out.  “So start talking.”  Charlie said as she slid into the chair across from him.  He eyed her for a minute.  How much really to tell her?  How much did he even really know?”  “I am guessing this is about Dean.  Did you two have a fight or something?”  She asked.  “No, no, nothing like that.  I left him working on a case back in Indiana.  Cas is with him.”  He didn’t mean to put strain on that last sentence, but it happened anyway and she immediately picked up on it.  “Do you have an issue with Cas?  That’s the angel, right?”  Sam nodded.  He took a deep breath and let it out very slowly.  Charlie was patiently waiting for him to start explaining.  “I needed someone to talk to.  Someone that was not Dean.”  He explained.  Charlie held her hands out wide.  “That’s what I’m here for.”  He leaned forward resting his arms on the table.  He fiddled with his watch as he talked, looking anywhere but at her.  “Cas is in love with my brother.”  He finally blurted.  Charlie had lowered her arms, folding her hands neatly on the table in front of her.  “Oh.”  Was all she said at first.  Then “Can angels even love like that?”  Sam shrugged.  “Apparently they can.”  She nodded thoughtfully.  “So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that if you’re here that means Dean’s feelings for Cas have you feeling more than a little uncomfortable.  Am I right?”  Sam looked up at her and she could see the guilt in his eyes.  “Yeah, I thought so.  Is it a bad thing though?  For Dean to love someone?”  She asked.  “Oh no, no, that’s not it at all.  It’s just…”  He didn’t know how to continue.  “You were positive Dean was straight.”  She finished the sentence for him.  Sam rarely blushed but he could feel the heat rising in his face.  “I don’t care if he is, it’s just, he hasn’t been right since he got back.  He’s been moody and drinking a lot, and he talks about Cas in his sleep.”  He told her.  “You realize this doesn’t make your brother gay, right?”  She asked.  Sam frowned.  “Uh…”  She waved a hand in his face stopping him.  “Have you ever actually read up on angels?  They have no gender Sam.  Like, they’re not female or male.  And neither are we.  So, if they’re connected on a spiritual level, it’s their souls that are connecting, not their human bodies, though at some point those might connect to, if you get my meaning.”  She winked at him and he felt his cheeks grow even hotter.  “I don’t care if my brother is gay.  I’m not going to think any less of him.  And of course I want him to be happy, but Charlie, Cas is dying.”  Her eyes widened.  “What do you mean Cas is dying?”  Sam took another deep breath and began explaining everything she had missed while she’d been away.  “Damn, and I thought I had a lot of crap going on.”  She muttered when he was finished.  “But Cas does still have some of his own grace left?”  She asked.  Sam nodded.  “Yes, but it’s back in heaven, and Cas isn’t exactly welcome there.”  “Damn.”  She muttered.  “And you’re worried about Dean’s state of mind if Cas were to die, right?”  Sam nodded.  “Or Cas’ state of mind if anything were to happen to Dean.”  As an afterthought he added “Angels have the capacity for human emotions.  If they didn’t Cas wouldn’t be so in love with Dean, but they’re not supposed to tap into those feelings.  They’re supposed to remain cold, separated from us humans.  Most of them consider themselves to be better than humans.  They see us as a blight upon the planet and would be very happy to see us wiped out as a species, but Cas and a few others don’t see it that way.  The more time Cas has spent here on earth, the more he has come to embrace human emotions, and to grow to love humans.  But above and beyond, my brother has always been his favorite.”  He explained.  Charlie chewed on the inside of her cheek for a minute.  “We need to get Cas’ grace back.”  She replied matter-of-factly.  “Uh, we can’t do that.  It’s in heaven, remember?”  He reminded her.  “Sure it is, but Cas can’t be the only angel that likes humans.  You said there were a few others.”  She was hopeful but he hated to break the news to her.  “They’re dead.  Gabriel, Balthazar, they were the only other ones I knew of that even remotely liked humans, and they were loyal to Cas.  I’m afraid Cas is alone on this one.”  He sighed deeply.  Dean would be an emotional wreck if Cas died, and he would become his own undoing, drinking himself to death and self-flagellating until he finally died.  There would be nothing Sam could do to bring his brother out of something like that.  Dean had lost Lisa and their mother, but what he had with Cas was altogether deeper and more meaningful.  Losing Cas would kill Dean.  “I’m up for suggestions, if you have any.”  Sam said.  Charlie was thinking, he could practically see the wheels turning.  She cared about Dean almost as much as he did and it gave him the tiniest bit of peace knowing he didn’t have to be the only one worrying about Dean for once.  “So God took a vacation, right?”  She suddenly asked.  Sam nodded.  “Like millennia ago.”  “And the angels searched the universe for him, right?”  She asked.  He nodded again.  “Well, did they bother to search earth?”  She asked.  Sam opened his mouth to say something but her question gave him pause.  “They did, but hell, Metatron was hiding here for like a thousand years, if not more.  Why couldn’t God?”  She asked.  Sam realized she was right.  “Oh my God, he’s here, hiding somewhere, isn’t he?”  He asked of no one in particular.  “I’d bet my glass slippers on it.”  She gave him another wink.  Sam’s mind was now working a million miles an hour trying to figure out where God would hide if he wanted to get away from the angels.  “I’ll almost bet you’ve already met him.  Where better to hide than right here with us humans?  He wouldn’t hide, he’d be right in the thick of things.”  Charlie said.  “You think?”  He asked, unsure.  “If I was God, and I loved humans as much as he is supposed to, then yeah, I’d come and pretend to be one.  Mingle, explore, live.  Being that he’s God he must have ways to stay off the angel radar.  Maybe he’s just been doing it for so long that he doesn’t realize he’s out of touch and that heaven is falling apart.  Maybe he just needs to be reminded.”  Her logic was the soundest thing he had heard since they had first learned that heaven had been left unsupervised.  A thought occurred to him.  “I think maybe he’s not so out of touch though.  A few years back Cas died.  Like died, and something or someone brought him back.  What if this is all a test?  What if God is testing his angels to see which ones are the most loyal?”  Charlie raised an eyebrow at that.  “I think you have a point there.  But at this point that makes what, three angels loyal to him?  Of which two are dead?  Doesn’t bode well for the rest of them if and when Big Daddy decided to head back home.”  Sam’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he jumped.  He pulled it out.  “It’s Dean.”  He said and answered the call.  “Sammy, why the hell did you leave?”  Dean growled in his ear.  “Charlie is back.”  Sam replied lamely.  “I love Charlie and all but dude, we’re not fighting our typical run of the mill monsters.  We’re up against Eris and The Furies.”  Dean told him realizing belatedly that it sounded like the name of a bad rock band.  “Wait, like the Goddess Eris, daughter of Zeus?”  Sam asked, surprised.  “Sure, daughter of Zeus, whatever.  She’s been in an urn for centuries and those Furies bitches want to let her out.  It has Crowley’s panties in a bunch because he’s afraid she’s going to challenge his claim to the throne in hell.  He has a bug up his ass and keeps showing up claiming to want to help.  I’m about to tear him apart he’s on my last nerve.”  Sam could hear the anger and exasperation in his brother’s voice.  Cas was saying something behind Dean and Dean pulled the phone away from his ear long enough to say something back.  “Dude’s too literal.”  Dean muttered.  “I’m heading back.  I need some sleep after that drive, but I’ll be back hopefully by tomorrow night.”  Sam said.  “You never should have left in the first place.”  There was hurt in Dean’s voice though he was masking it with anger.  Sam knew him too well though.  “I’m sorry I left.  I figured you and Cas, you guys needed to work through some issues.  Are we cool?”  Sam asked.  There was a pause on the other end.  “Sammy, we were never un-cool.”  Dean said with a sigh.  Charlie piped up from across the table.  “I’m coming too!  We’ll start back in a couple hours.  I’m driving!”  Dean heard her and chuckled.  “Good, we could use another nerd on this one.”  “We’ll see you soon bro.”  Sam said.  “Hurry your ass up.”  Dean said softly before the line went dead.  Sam smiled as he slipped the phone back into his pocket.  “I’m going to take a nap, I’m dead.  We can head out in a couple hours, ok?”  He told Charlie.  She nodded.  “You bet.  I’ll take the first half, you can sleep more then.”  He got up from the chair and went around the table to where she sat.  She looked up at him as he leaned down and planted a kiss on the top of her head.  “Dean was right.  We never had a sister, but if we had, we’d have wanted her to be you.”  With that he went to his room.  It was going to be a hell of a long ride back to Indiana.