Seven Deadly Sins

Lost It All

        "Matt," A soft, slightly lisping voice called into my ears while I was sleeping. I groaned and turned over, facing the wall of my bunk and then sighing deeply. I didn't want to get up. I wish I didn't wake up. "Matt, you need to eat something.." I then recognized the voice as Zacky, and I heave another sigh before sitting up a little in my bunk, turning to look at his sunken face.
        "I'm not hungry, Zee.." I whispered, checking my phone to find it was 7:18 am. He gave me a stern look, but I could tell that he wasn't just trying to push me to eat; it was almost like, maybe, if he saw me eat, he'd have the courage to do it himself.
        "You haven't eaten since 9 o'clock yesterday morning.. Please, even if it's a few crackers and a glass of water, just get something into your stomach." He begs desperately; that's when I notice he's got a sleeve of saltine crackers and a water bottle in his hands. His hands sluggishly offer me the items, and I take them slowly, giving him a 'thank you' glance before eating a few crackers and taking a few sips of the water.
        "How's everyone else doing?" I manage to mutter through the crumbs of crackers which are drying my mouth out like crazy. Zacky sighs, shrugging his shoulders heavily as he does. "Just as bad, huh?" I ask quietly, and he nods. I nod as well, finishing off the water before handing the sleeve of crackers back to him, my stomach turning a little bit now at the feeling of being slightly filled.
        "I'm gonna go see if Johnny will eat something.. We're gonna be at the last venue in a couple of hours, so get rested or whatever.." He mutters before standing up, making his way to the back of the bus where I could just barely make out Johnny playing with his necklace; a piece of Jimmy's drumset. We all had one. I stretched a little, my muscles and bones protesting as I did before getting up and making my way to the front of the bus to smoke a cigarette. One of my only escapes now that my best friend was gone.

        The concert went horrible. They all do, now. Sure, Portnoy is an excellent filler, he's a breed all his own, but he's not Jimmy. Nobody could ever be Jimmy. I kept hitting the wrong notes, Brian couldn't keep his fingers on the right chords, Zacky didn't have any energy, and Johnny couldn't stop crying.
        "Hey," Mike asked me as I was walking past him to get to my bunk. I stopped, raising an eyebrow slowly as he looked at the ground for a second. "So, I was talking to Corey Taylor, you know, from SlipKnoT?"
        "Yeah?"
        "Well, they want us to play on Knotfest this year, and I told him I'd talk to you about it.." That sounded like an interesting idea. Corey Taylor had been one of the only people that didn't send me a long, drawn out message, explaining how they felt about Jimmy's passing and everything around it. He kept it simple, and that was kind of refreshing.
        "Oh?" I simply asked, almost afraid to give an answer right away. I'd definitely need to run it by the guys; Knotfest was in just a few weeks, and the entire festival spread across the timeline of probably four months. It would be hell, it would be rough, but maybe this would be just what the guys and I needed to get us back into our groove. Of course, we'd have to find another drummer; Mike had only agreed to be our drummer for the album and the following promo tour, after that, we were on our own. No problem, I had thought at the time. Just want to get this album out, really.
        "Yeah, like I said, I told him I'd talk to you about it." He repeated before shrugging and walking back to the front of the bus to smoke a cigarette. I decided to go searching for Brian, and I immediately found him sitting on the edge of his bunk (which was above mine) scrolling through his phone, looking a little more than upset.
        "Hey, dude, you okay?" What kind of question is that, Matt? My brain asked me as soon as that last syllable left my mouth. Of course he's not okay, you idiot! Brian looked up at me with pained eyes, shrugging heavily before he turned his attention back to his phone.
        "As okay as I can be right now, I guess." He said after a long enough moment of silence. I put my foot on the bottom of my bunk before hoisting myself up to sit next to him and I put my arm around his shoulder; he immediately begins to break down, burying his face in the side of my neck and sliding his arms around me. His tears seem to burn holes in his face as he sobs quietly into my skin, and I rest my head on top of his, trying my damnest to keep from breaking down as well.
        "I just miss him so much," His voice cracks, and I nod, ending up putting both arms around him to comfort him further. "He was our best friend, Matt.."
        "I know, Bri.." I whisper into his hair, now beginning to feel the burning of tears on my lower eyelids. "It'll be okay, soon, dude.. I promise it will be." How can I make that promise? I can't even think about Jimmy without feeling some sort of voidish depression. It's like his death became a black hole and is sucking the light out of everything and everyone around us; and soon enough, it'll crush us completely.