Devil on the Rooftop [Book 1]

Chapter 52 - Khaleel

I cracked. I gave into temptation and I didn't regret it. The more I held back, the more I had to think about, and somewhere during second period I found myself desperate to know if I had a real chance with her. If she wasn't his girlfriend then I couldn't give up, and if she was his girlfriend then I had to have a talk with Loyal. Either way, I needed a reason to put this fucking shit behind me. Hearing her say she didn't hate me should have filled me with relief but for some strange reason, it didn't. It sounded like she was lying to spare my feelings. Whatever. It didn't matter. I heard what I needed to.

We awkwardly walked to the cafeteria and found an empty spot by the windows. Arisa was on her phone the whole time, avoiding eye contact, and trying to suppress the colour of her burning cheeks. I wanted to give her time to think our conversation over but unfortunately, we were stuck together. The second her eyes diverted from her phone, they moved passed me, and began to twinkle. I looked over my shoulder and found Matilda heading toward us.

Fuck. I didn't need this right now.

Matilda sat beside Arisa and gave her a quick hug. They dived into a conversation about calligraphy and penmanship, as if I wasn't even there, which would have been fine if I hadn't just spilled my guts to one of them. My mind drifted a little. It thought about what Matilda said to me about wanting a boyfriend, not a fuck buddy. What if Arisa was the same? What if she was only interested in putting labels on shit instead of enjoying her youth? I glanced at them, my heart throbbing at the severity of my situation. Why did I have to be attracted to both of them? And why the hell did they have to be friends?

"I'm going to grab some fries," Arisa said, standing up. I moved on her action, used to being her shadow. "You don't have to follow me for that, Khaleel."

"I'm not supposed to let you out of my sight."

"Calm down," Matilda said. "We can watch her from here."

I really shouldn't but the whole school had seen us come to school together—they saw me drag her out of class to tell her I wanted her. They had to be a new breed of stupid to touch her after both Loyal and I made such a big fuss over her. "Make it quick," I said, keeping alert. She rolled her eyes and moved past the student body to stand in the lunch line. I was hungry too but I was in no way ready to eat something that might just come back up after I swallowed. That's how sick I felt. Maybe it was nerves or maybe I was on edge because I feared my own stupid feelings. I couldn't risk indigestion right now.

Matilda pulled out her home-packed lunch and picked away at her dry salad. Her little dressing container was secured on the side with her utensils. "Why did you leave so early this morning?" I asked, watching her eat a cherry tomato. "Were you that uncomfortable sharing a room with me?"

"Forgive me if I was," she said. "It's not fun being around the guy I like when he's asking how to get over other girls."

"Girls?" I laughed, directing my attention back to Arisa. The line was moving kind of slow; it would take her at least ten minutes to reach the servers and cashier. "It is just one other girl."

"Same difference. I'm sure with you there will always be another girl."

My brows squinted, back on Matilda. "What the hell does that mean?" I asked.

"Do you think she will agree to your messed up terms?" Matilda asked, picking at her greens. "Do you think she will be open to the idea of sleeping with you when you're hooking up with other people? Wake up, Khaleel. Some girls want more than that. Some girls want exclusivity, loyalty, and a partner they can trust!"

"What makes you think I can't offer those things?" I asked. "When I'm with a girl she's going to be the only one in my sheets."

"Really?" She didn't believe me.

"Yeah, of course."

"You're saying you wouldn't fool around with other people?"

"It's not really my style," I replied.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"You think I'm attracted to anyone with a heartbeat!" I said, getting upset. "I'm not. Having feelings for two girls is more than I can handle. I wouldn't know what to do if a third one popped up."

"Yeah, except that I've seen you," she argued. "You used to flirt and bully girls left, right, and center."

"Yeah used to," I emphasized. "I was a little shit with raging hormones. I didn't know how to deal with myself."

"And you do now?" she asked, still not convinced. My eyes wavered back to find Arisa, who was smiling while texting someone. My chest weighed heavy in its cage and rattled at the thought of her directing that happy expression towards someone who wasn't me.

"You told me you weren't looking for anything serious," Matilda brought me back.

"Define serious?" I asked, swallowing the ache.

She glared at me.

"Can't a guy change his mind?" I complained.

"What's stopping you from being with the girl you like?"

"Another guy." The truth made my jaw tick from the inside.

Matilda placed her hands in her lap. "And what's stopping you from being with me?" she asked, blindsiding me.

"You, you little weirdo," I accused. "With all your labels and shit."