Devil on the Rooftop [Book 1]

Chapter 34 - Khaleel

My search for Derek Carter turned out to be a dud. I couldn't find the narc anywhere and according to his friends, he hadn't shown up to any of his morning classes. I had to give credit to the little weasel, he knew better than to come to school after what happened to Hino.

It pissed me off just thinking about my idiot friend fighting alone. "Damn it all," I cursed, rushing through the corridors. If I couldn't get intel on Carter then the least I could do was figure out where Dobberman's new school was.

I turned in from the hall leading to the gymnasium and bumped into someone. It was Matilda. I got a hold of her arm before she fell on her ass. I pulled her towards me to help her stand— her hands landed on my chest for balance. The handles to her bag slid down her wrist and onto the floor. Matilda picked it up before staring up at me. Her long lashes fluttered in panic. I was okay with her hating me, it wasn't anything out of ordinary, but I couldn't stand the thought of her being scared of me. I had enough girls fearing my name, my face. I didn't want Matilda to become one of them.

"You okay, Vice Prez?" I asked.

She twitched away and shuffled past me. My head jumbled with thoughts of never being able to talk to her normally again. I didn't want that. I wouldn't allow it. Just because we couldn't be intimate with one another didn't mean we couldn't be friends.

"Hey," I called after her.

Matilda turned the corner without looking back. Fed up, I chased her down and grabbed her forearm. She whipped back with cold glistening eyes; it was my warning to let go but I couldn't.

"Can we at least be civil?" I asked, cornering her behind one of the two vending machines. I felt her struggle to get out of my grasp, but when she couldn't, she looked anywhere but at me. Her neck was beautiful, bare, and within reach. I didn't take advantage of it even though I really wanted to. I wasn't that guy. I would never be that guy. It wouldn't be worth it to lose a friend over sex.

My voice was low when I spoke again, "I'm sorry for what happened in middle school."

That got her attention.

"I'm sorry for not remembering who you were," I continued. "I was an ass back then and yeah, I've been an ass to you as of late, but that was only because you were being mean. I didn't know how badly I fucked up. I was retaliating. I'm sorry about that too. I'm trying to be transparent. So, can you acknowledge me when we cross paths?"

"No." Her reply was stern. "You throw apologies whenever it's convenient for you. Your words don't carry the weight and it seems like you're trying to take the easy way out by faking sincerity."

"I'm not faking sincerity."

"I'm telling you that you are," Matilda clapped back. "Are you apologizing because you feel bad about what happened in middle school or because you pity me? Do you think it's sad that I'm faltering in front of the boy I used to like?"

I leaned in slightly. "Are you?"

Matilda glared daggers. "What do you want?"

I released her and immediately mourned the loss of touch. Why was I so desperate to hold onto a girl I didn't want to build a relationship with? I had plenty of friends, it didn't matter if she wasn't one of them—except maybe it did? The only other girl who didn't fear me was Tomasia. I shuddered. I was fine never becoming her friend.

"I don't like being ignored," I admitted. "It makes me feel bad."

"Really? It gives me great satisfaction."

My jaw clicked in irritation. She was really testing my patience. "You don't want my apology because they don't carry the weight?" I scoffed. "You think my sincerity is fake and now you're saying ignoring me makes you happy?"

"Yup."

"Fine," I replied, over the conversation. If she wasn't going to make an effort to accept my apology then I wasn't going to force things. What the hell did I have to do to be taken seriously? Should I turn back time? Should I go back to the day she fell for me and disappear altogether? I couldn't stop myself from hurting her with my words.

"I wonder if your heart would still falter if we finished what we started in the student council room."

Her face flushed with colour. "W-What?"

"Why didn't you ask me for an apology before that happened?" I asked coldly. "Why did you wait until I told you I had no interest in pursuing a serious relationship?"

Her gaze dropped to the floor. This was exactly why I didn't want a relationship with her; she was so obsessed with the past that she couldn't see I wasn't the same kid anymore. If she opened up a little, if she just let things happen more organically without forcing labels on us then all would be well. I wish I could tell her that. I wish I could be honest. I wanted to be more like Loyal when it came to that. It wasn't easy to tell the truth, no matter the consequences, no matter how much it hurt, but if Matilda couldn't handle it then she would never be able to handle me.