The Beauty with a Vengeance

Ch 3

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Adrians POV

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   I started to walk towards my room to change but decided to make a detour. I walked into the garden, already feeling more at peace. I settled under a large cherry blossom tree and looked around. The garden had started to wilt a little since Clara wasn't there to care for it and I had no time myself. The bright vivid grass was now a dull yellowing green, the luminous flowers have become a pale rainbow of colors, and the trees are slowly wilting away.

  I remember when I used to help my mom care for the garden, it was her favorite place. When her cancer finally bested her after years. She had asked to be taken here for her final moments. Her expression whenever she had come here was a mix of serenity and amazement, much like Briar's when I first brought her here. My mom's favorite flowers in the garden, ironically enough, were briar roses. Once when I asked her why they were her favorite she had told me;

"They are a delicate flower, but they make the strongest and most beautiful colors. They are hard to care for but well worth the effort in the end."

  I laughed at the thought of Briar being delicate. My thoughts shifted to her. Marrying her is going to make her a perfect target for my enemies, she can handle herself in a fight certainly, but mentally I don't think she can take much more stress. I saw the flicker of uncertainty when I asked her to move into my room today, I can see her cringe sometimes when I touch her, and she just seems...off, lately. I thought she would hold up better than this, I thought she was tougher. Maybe that potion did something to her besides make her forget. She just seems, bitter perhaps? Resentful? I don't know a good word to describe it. Just, off.

  Besides that, over the past few years she's changed yes, but not too drastically. She's stronger and smarter yes, but still the same, funny, cunning, and just brilliant really. And of course, stubborn. But that's better than being a pushover. And here I am about to marry her. I'll admit she's grown on me. I do like her, she's really something different. After everything that happened I didn't care about how she felt, but over these four years I've been feeling kind of guilty about it. I hadn't known why I, a heartless and villainous guy would care about some girl's feeling, but now I think I understand.

  For years I thought about telling her the truth, letting her go. But each time I almost did, I found I couldn't do it. She's the only person I've let in the garden besides Clara since my mom's death. She's the closest thing I've had to a friend in years, and I don't want to let her go, not yet. As selfish as it sounds, she's bad for me too. I can't let myself care about her so much; it will put her in more danger and under more stress. And maybe I would be okay with that if it wasn't bad for me too. She's a weakness for me. Leverage my enemy can use against me. She's just another piece in the game of life.

  I've seen how much stress she's under, the drastic weight loss, dark circles under her eyes, the nightmares. How jumpy and restless she is. I can't shake off the slight feeling that it's my fault. I sighed and rubbed my head.

  Maybe that's why I've been so nice to her, so affectionate. Maybe I let her push back the wedding because I feel wrong about the whole thing. Maybe because I don't want her to marry me when it's all a lie. Maybe I don't want her to marry me unless she actually loves me.

  No, no that's ridiculous, the marriage means nothing to me it's just an I do and your set. Right? 

My watched beeped.

  6:45

Shit. I bolted up and ran to get ready, I had 15 minutes. I knew I'd look fine but I gave Briar an hour, not a minute more. I hope she'll look as beautiful as she did at the ball the first time I took her, I mean hot, not beautiful, well she's not bad looking either, quite good actually, but that's not the point. I shook my head as I began the search for a clean shirt.