"What's it like living with me?"
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In one smooth motion you opened the door to the place you had adored oh so much, your dear apartment, well, your new one. The day you had turned 18 happened to be the day your entire life turned around, not like everybody says "to the bad" but rather to something more difficult to describe in words. Yet, the word "difficult" does not equal "negative", it's a lot more complex. You thought of it the way you thought about your own mindset. Difficult for others to understand, even for yourself, yet, you loved it. Unfair, tiring, unpredictable. Everything appeared to be related close to your extraordinary way of thinking, something you were already used to. In your deepest inner you knew if you hadn't been a psycho all life long, adultery would have pushed you right into it, just later.
Grabbing the door handle with the weakest grip in an eternity, you hurriedly searched for the willpower to push down now, sounded easier than done. That's not it, yes, you knew the only person behind these walls was your beloved boyfriend who was your personal shoulder to cry on. Apparently, each of you only took care of the other one, trying to support them with survival. Living with him was definitely not an easy game, luckily, you exactly knew how to react and when. San, your boy, has been suffering from severe depression, anxiety and insomnia all along. Indeed, you thought you were helping him improve just by being attendant, you were strongly influenced by such beliefs.
One last deep inhale, let's go. Quick and painless you pushed open the door, entering your apartment, looking only to the ground. In the corner of your eyes San was to be spotted sitting on the couch, relaxing. "Hey, babe", his voice resounded across the room, sweet enough to would have sent a smile on ever other person, except for you. Hol' up, you were able to feel joy and smile, yet, you were deeply convicted in a role that moment, not able to escape. And you didn't even know properly.
You could literally hear the cracks of the couch, a sign San stood up. In a quick pace he walked over to you, gently grabbing both your shoulders from aside "What's wrong, baby?". Another deep sigh escaped your lungs, still not looking up from the floor "Jenny sure as hell doesn't want to see me anymore". Jenny used to be your best friend over years, out of these 2 people in your life you had deeply liked without taking advantage of she was one. Your only friend. "But you're befriended with everyone at school, at job, even around the district", was what you usually got to hear when saying you're at fight with your only friend. Indeed, it was true everyone knew you and basically everyone liked you. The ones who didn't know you were a diagnosed psychopath. Or else they would have maybe known you're playing games only. Psychopathy means making people like you generally, especially the ones who you could take advantage of. Also lying was something you boldly did, not able to control it properly. This is what lit the fight between Jenny and you, to the point where she didn't want to ever see you again.
San's facial expression instantly switched to the sad, his hands starting to stroke your upper arms softly. Quickly he walked you over to the couch, sitting both of you down. Although he continued stroking you, he coughed once before lifting your chin, making you look him in the eyes.
"How bad does it really hit you? Be honest. You're with me, you don't need to fake your emotions"
No reply from you. Not even a gesture or different expression. All your life you had been used to faking emotions in front of others to make yourself appear normal. Yet, San knew when something wasn't correct about your feelings but he also understood it wasn't your fault in any way. He put on a sweet tiny simper.
"Could it maybe be that it hits me harder than you? What do you feel right now?"
"I feel numb"
"Okay so everything's as usual"
With that sentence starting he let go of your chin, this whole act making you giggle in the cutest way possible. The two of you laughing now, you asked another question.
"How the hell should you be more affected by it than me?"
"She threw you away. Don't you think I'm upset, seeing my bae getting treated that disrespectfully?"
"I really do appreciate how much you care about me, just so you know. I mean, at least I hope you know"
"Of course I do, Y/n. Though, no matter how angry I am I'll let you get revenge. You're better at this than me. And as long as you don't kill anyone it's perfectly fine"
Laughing cutely again at his encouraging words, you threw yourself against him, hugging him tight with a wide smile. These were the precious moments to him, the ones in which you smiled truly. Immediately he hugged you back at least as tightly, placing a soft peck on your head.
"I love you", he smiled.
You smiled even wider "I wish I could say the same"
He was apparently the only person on Earth you didn't want to lie to so he at one point realized how to properly look after you. Yeah, he knew you couldn't love but he didn't bother much, he knew he was really the most important person in your life. The fact that you didn't lie to him proved it. "Let's go somewhere?", You suggested, clapping your hand on his thigh once, receiving a simple nod.
A few minutes later you were walking through downtown together, stopping by at several different cafes, ranking them after taste and atmosphere in the end. After all, these were spontaneous things you two did sometimes just to get outta your four walls, even though you had to forcefully pull San with you every once in a while. There were times where he just didn't have the motivation to get up. Still, you were always the one taking him somewhere he was fascinated by as result. Nope, you two weren't an ordinary couple and you knew and you didn't mind. Much rather you were both proud of it.
Sitting there, taking a sip of the new coffee you tried to review it. "Good but not so good at the same time. Kinda bitter. Ya know what I mean?", You ranked it in all honesty, looking at San. As he took a sip as well he nodded slightly "Yep, can relate. Only a 3 out of 10 for me. I'm sorry but I make better coffee at home". Once again you began laughing. And once you calmed down a bit you placed your hand on his
"Thank you for always understanding me"
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This story might be a little off from what I usually write but idk it was important to me now to point out how great it is to have someone who understands us and how grateful we should be. Also I've been studying psychopathy and such privately lately so I thought "why not write about something I have knowledge of?".
Anyways, although this story is hella different, I hope you enjoyed reading it. I did not check for spelling errors!
Have a great day/night and don't forget to vote ^^
