Diamondback

2: Coping

I woke up in the corner of my dead room with dry tears on my face.

Crying myself to sleep. Jesus. All I could remember last night was crying, sniffling, anguished crying, curling up in a ball, ugly crying. Crying. But what for? The crackers? Eliza? The...right. Wish I could forget.

The memory of the fear in my mother's eyes stuck to my retinas.

My sister's eyes.

Eliza's eyes.

Seeing their terror was worse than death. And boy, would I know. Experiencing death once already was nothing compared to what I'm going through now.

I never asked to be brought back to life.

Dying in that jewelry store shooting should've been it. I should be with God or Buddah or Ra or whatever. Let my body rot in the ground and let it fertilize something bigger than myself.

The resurrections, the powers, the second secret life away from my family? I didn't ask for it.

Eliza told me this cracked diamond was nothing to worry about, but look at me! This is something to worry about! If she had just told me I would become...this at the end of my training, we could've done something before it happened. She must've been too scared to bring it up.

I thought I'd be okay with my "second job," but...in hindsight, I don't think I ever was. Being resurrected with powers for the "greater good"? What greater good? What good is that greater good if I'm banished from performing said good?

Now I'm alone.

In my old home.

Amongst the living.

Completely and utterly alone.

How cold can you be, Eliza?

I licked my thumb and wiped off the dry tears as best I could.

"Alright, Zypher. No more crying. What would Mom say if she saw you like this?" Scream and run obviously. God.

Pulling myself up to my feet, the unfamiliar light shooting in from the outdoors crashed into my vision. As I tore down the curtains, the setting sun stared back at me. The pastel blue sky began to fade into a beautiful lilac. It was like scenery from a movie, but for me, the sight was taunting. Staring out at what I can never have now that I'm this...monster. I used to love watching the sunset back before I died. I'd sit on the roof of my best friend's house and we'd watch the sky wash away all our troubles as we chatted about everything and anything our brains would vomit out. And now the sun means nothing. No more laughter and joy and heart swelling conversations. No more longing smiles or yearning touches or warm embraces. I'd give anything to go back to that rooftop.

I couldn't let that get me down, though. Staying as optimistic as possible was my only option.

I left my old room and returned to the kitchen, my only plan being to binge eat like crazy. Between all the stress of just these past few hours of my life, I've been ignoring my stomach. I clawed at the empty cabinet door, leaving marks on the poor paint job. No matter where I looked, there wasn't a crumb of anything, save for the half-eaten cracker box. How do you expect a man -- well -- teen to eat when there's no food around?! Okay, so I cussed a little under my breath (not my best moment), but going outside couldn't be an option. It could, but I was still too afraid to leave the house. If my own family ran away, who knows what they'd do to me out there?

Absentmindedly growling in frustration, I stomped back to the living room. Yeah, I remember what I said, but I'm trying my best to filter myself as best as I can here. My heart can't bear to repeat any of it. Shoot, my mother's heart would shrivel just hearing any of this come out of my mouth.

"How the (heck) does she expect me to (happy words) live like this?! That (wonderful) (happy fun time pixie)!" The very thought of Eliza ticked me off now. How could she do this to me? To anyone, really! It was selfish of her to save herself over helping me. And that contract thing? What did that even mean?! Girl, you have to get better at explaining things to people in times of crisis!

How could she just throw away everything we had like that?! I cursed her name as much as I could while I was still alone. It's best to get all my anger out now before someone else could add to it and...who knows what could happen?

I stopped when I passed by that same mirror from before.

Seeing myself acting like that was awful.

Scary, even.

I can't let what I look like define who I am. If I look like a monster, I can't be a monster. If I'm a mistake, I can't be a mistake. Mind over matter. That's what Dad used to say. Appearance shouldn't matter. I should know that. It'd be hypocritical of someone like myself, being both Black and Korean, to even think like that.

But still.

Monster and race are two different issues. Would Martin Luther King think that too? Shoot, I hope so.

My first action of business was ignoring my appearance. I turned the mirror around. It was just step one, so it didn't make any crazy difference. I went to all of the rooms with mirrors and turned those around too. The bathroom mirror was the only one I couldn't turn. Breaking it wouldn't do any good; it would only hype up my anger again. I couldn't cover it up. There was probably nothing else in the house but old furniture, that half-eaten cracker box, and a half-naked monster.

"Half-eaten cracker box...God dang it, Zypher." My features fell into a scowl at my reflection. There was only one thing to do if I wanted any chance of surviving in this emotionless black hole of a home.

I had to go outside. 

~~~

A/N: Tfw when you ain't got no clothes, smh. But any predictions for what awaits Zypher outside? Would love to hear your thoughts! And don't forget to vote if you want to! <3