Unexpectedly Regular | Kim Namjoon

20

Namjoon had sent the tickets for the fan sign just on the day after he had invited Nara and her friends to go. Now, minutes before arriving at the venue she held them tightly on her hands, another proof he was always faithful to his words and promises.

So, he loved her. And he had promised before that he would try to slow down his celebrity life some years from now just to try catch up with Nara's ordinary life. It was not like she didn't believe him when he said that but the weight of those words was not so obvious before he said he loved her. Nara had never been into a real relationship before, so it was the very first time she had heard that. As a 25 year-old woman who had always experienced relationships with a touch of indifference or unacceptance, she had long ago recognized love as something she could not expect to have in her life. Maybe that was why, despite her anxiousness, she could cool down and act as if she would not have such a great outcome from her relationship with Namjoon. That's why whenever she thought that it was incredible she was on a date with him, her mind also would tell her to relax because he would never love her at all. That's why she forced herself to come back to present whenever she thought of a future with him. She just waited for the next step, calmly focusing on her own life. She would not turn him down just because she believed he would never love her, because, well... How could she say no to someone she adored who showed so much interest in her? Moreover, everything was running smoothly so far and it was nice enjoying the experience of being around him, even though something, which could be a trap set by her own mind, didn't seem to fit completely. She needed many arguments to convince herself that he could like her, and they were there all the time, she could not deny it. But every little proof he liked her could never guarantee that their relationship would quickly escalate to the moment when he would say that he loved her.

Angie and Gabi pulled off the taxi and waved at Nara, calling her attention. They thought something serious had happened, as their friend barely reacted. Nara felt bad for being a turn off to their excitement. As she shared her insecurities with them while waiting in line to enter the venue. The girls were now trying to balance their buzz with some concern towards their shocked friend. Nara didn't mean to act like that, but it was hard to conceal the fear that came along with his words. What would she do with both feelings now? All the future plans Namjoon was doing were now so close to reality she could almost see, touch, smell, hear and taste each one of them. That was scary but surprisingly also ecstatic. She was euphoric, and therefore a bit dazed. The mix of feelings were too strong for her, but Angie and Gabi told her to stick to the plan of living the present and enjoying it. Her past experiences and the future prospects based on those moments kept coming back. However, it was good to feel her friends were there by her side to pull her back to the present.

They entered the venue and did the same as the other fans. Nara felt the same feeling of belonging now that she was again in the middle of so many people sharing their passion for those artists. Being embraced by that atmosphere of excitement was the only thing that made her forget how she was feeling. She was just a fan again, and even though Namjoon's face on posters and banners everywhere made her emotions surface again, the excitement of seeing the other members of the group face to face, so closely, made her feel overjoyed. The girls took off the albums Namjoon had sent along with their tickets so she could have them autographed. Nara did the same, and as soon as she looked at the boys in front of her, she forgot who was amongst them. A wide smile planted on her face and didn't leave till she talked to each one of them. They were the only other people on world, and nothing else mattered to her mind, which focused on receiving each of their smiles. She also received compliments for her pronunciation from each of them and some surprised faces as she said, in Korean, how little she had been studying Korean. They were all lovely and she reminded how their music and performances have motivated, encouraged and supported her through so many memorable moments in her life. She was still a girl with dreams that were inspired by their moving music.

-Are you enjoying it, Nara?

Namjoon's deep familiar voice woke her up from her fan fantasies. She was still in ecstasy, so she thoughtlessly handed him her album while she positively answered with a hand gesture.

-So, you want the full fan experience – he pointed at it using the marker in his hand, implying that he should autograph it.

-Sure! – Nara looked dreamily at the other members next to Namjoon, who happened to be the last in line – They are all so lovely, it feels like a dream to be here.

He had been paying attention at her ever since she recognized her. Namjoon arched his back to come closer to her face.

-I noticed you enjoyed it and you practiced some Korean with them too!

-Did you see it? They even complimented me! They are really, really nice guys and I think it's so cute when they tried English and they also said that they...

Namjoon signed silently her album and his brows knitted as he did it. He looked at her while doing it, waiting for the end of the sentence she had just interrupted. As Nara completed it mentally, she realized they told her that they loved her. And so did Namjoon that morning, but in a completely different context. She fell of her cloud of excitement, realizing she wasn't afraid of saying it anymore, as it was what she said to all of the others. She wanted it to be special, though, as they were talking about different types of love.

-It will make absolutely no sense to tell you that I love you after I said it to six of your friends, - she started, assuming he would know what the other guys had told her – so, I will tell you in a different way.

Namjoon's face was blank as he handed back her autographed album. He looked around, certifying that no one would understand their conversation.

-I want our plans to come true because you are an amazing man, on stage, on studio and outside of it. And I'm thankful that you let me know all those parts of you. I love you now, and I plan to love you even more through the time coming, so that the plans we made to make our lives match come true, one day.

Namjoon touched her hand, but them he took it back, self-consciously as the girl next to Nara approached. It was her time to hear the words he had said to her.

-Saranghae.

She walked away from the line, waiting for Angie and Gabi, who were still having their albums autographed. She watched Namjoon say those same words to the next girl in line. It was part of his job. But she felt his words to her were truer than the to the others. Her mind could be being tricked, but her heart was not. Its beats were fast and they knew that Saranghae meant something different to Nara than to the others. She had heard from him last night. He loved her. And she felt the same.