Back to You

Chapter Seven

~JESSIE~

I couldn't stop admiring at the gift Matt gave me for my birthday. I wouldn't miss a chance to take a peek or glance at our framed photo whenever I went to bed or passed by my bedroom. I'd always spend a moment to look at our picture. Matt picked such a beautiful moment to commemorate our friendship. But every time I look at that picture, I can't help but feel deeper love for him -- a love that may transcend our friendship.

Of course, I was still reeling from my broken heart over Eric. I was deeply hurt and at the same time, astounded at everything that had happened. The amount of faith I had when I took the leap to go after him still surprised me about my capacity to love. Now that that's over, I found myself a bit lost more than ever.

I would still check up on him on his socials. I would look through his posts of pictures after pictures with Gabriella, as if we didn't live together for five months before ultimately getting back together with her. I mean, I know it was my decision to let him go, but sometimes and out of spite, I can't help but wonder how he could still love her after what she's done to him.

All those times, I thought things had made a complete turn and he finally felt the same way about me. We were close even before Gabriella came into the picture. And when she did, I kept my distance so as not to complicate anything between the three of us. The times we would be seen together were during dinner hangouts with friends and it was with a big group. The only time we were together by ourselves was when we attended two concerts of the same band that we both liked and it wasn't even that romantic.

Gabriella had always expressed to Eric how she was weary of our friendship. If you ask me, that translated to her being jealous about it. When Eric and I attended our second concert together, she got furious at him. She broke up with him the next day, accusing me of trying to steal him and saying that he encouraged me. A week later, she hooked up with a guy she met at a dance club to make Eric jealous. At first I thought she was being petty, but the way she was parading herself and her arm candy was just ridiculous. What was even more ridiculous was how it worked on Eric!

It was during these times that Eric reached out to me all the way to Australia about his woes on Gabriella. I became the friend he needed at the time. I didn't see it as any opportunity to jump into a relationship with him. We would have the late night calls almost every week. Sometimes we would video call. Then came the subtle romantic gestures, like short messages of greetings in the morning and night at my time! I was confused for a while. Although I did harbor secret feelings for him, I never acted on it even if we were getting close. He finally admitted his feelings for me after a year since his break-up with Gabriella.

The naive me thought and believed that he had probably moved on from her and that our friendship evolved romantically then. After weeks of discussions, we decided that long-distance relationship was a difficult situation for us and that I would go to the Philippines to move in with him. It was such an abrupt decision that I haven't thought it thoroughly, to be honest. All I knew then was that I was finally having the greatest love story I have ever wished for. The guy I have longed for since college and had hidden feelings for finally felt the same way about me. So, I made the big leap of faith, with Matthew in toll.

Gabriella somehow found out that Eric and I had gotten together. I never knew how or when but she did. Then, came those coffee runs. By this time, Eric and I had been living together for a month. Gabriella somehow knew the cafe Eric would visit every morning. One morning started it all. I later learned that Eric felt excited to have seen Gabriella the first time at the cafe. She mentioned to Eric how her office was just a block away from the cafe and that it seemed harmless for them to have coffee together "as friends". It would used to be once a week, but on our 2nd month living together, they met up almost everyday. I found out after getting curious one morning and followed him after he said goobdye so that he could go to work "early."

It was then followed by that phonecall one night. Eric and I were in the middle of our dinner at home. He excused himself to answer the call at the balcony. What he promised was a call that would only take a few moments, turned into almost two hours. He even lied to me about who it was. I found out later, when he was asleep and I checked the call log that it was Gabriella who called him. She even sent a text thanking him for listening to her and comforting her. Apparently, she broke up with her boy toy because she found out that she was cheating on her. Eric was more than accommodating to her comfort her, even forgetting about our dinner.

For some reason, I never felt confronting him for those coffee meet-ups or that phonecall. He would still come home to me. We would still sleep together. We had a normal relationship. At first I thought it was harmless. However, it was the small things that made such a huge difference. I would catch him smile out of the blue while looking at his phone. It was a different kind of smile, somewhat pure and longing. I would sometimes see him stare out in deep thought and when I'd call his attention, his eyes felt regretful. Call it women's intuition or whatever, but I knew then that what I thought we had was never there at all. 

 It was time to let go.