The insecurities and fear that one has that is usually caused by childhood tramua or past mistakes that often tends to go unhealed and constantly pushed to the back of our minds; This fear can be the root of ones downfall in life, whether its the do...
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As I sat on my balcony with my glass of wine resting slightly inbetween my fingertips, where the inprint of my maroon lipstick left its mark on the rim. I glanced up towards the sky in a dreamy daze admiring one of God's most beautiful creations, the stars and the beautiful night sky. Each of the stars all alligned above me sparkling and twinkling making me wish I could shine as bright and as beautiful as them one day.
I always felt as if the stars and I shared a deeper connection or that we held a lot of the same simliarites. I felt the stars in a way had their own story and was much like human life in my opinion and before one calls me crazy, hear me out.
A star doesn't live forever just like us humans don't, they start off small barely even visible then grow up like we do and eventually they shine beautifully all over the world at night for everyone to see. Then you have the ones that burn out before they could even reach their full potential much like some of us in this world.
In life it is so many young souls that are taken way too soon and usually seems to happen right when they are right at their peak of blowing up and taking off. Deaths such as those always made me feel some type of way.
Maybe its because I often believe I am a star that has yet to just bloom and grow into my full potential. I feel like I am close to my goal, but one of my deepest fears is that I will burn out before reaching that point in my life and speaking from someone who experienced a near death situation, I am beyond grateful to still be living and breathing today.
Snapping out of my thoughts I let out a sigh before sitting back and taking another sip of my wine. I do this almost every night after work, I strip down to my undergarments, shower, eat me a nice dinner then I pour me up a glass of my favorite Stella Rose wine and chill on my balcony counting my many blessings that I tend to ignore at times whenever I'm stressed or feeling overwhelmed with lifes many challenges.
However, at the young age of twenty-four, living on my own in my nice little apartment here in Austin, TX with no kids, and a steady good paying job as a top editor for this publishing company called Make Way Publishing; I would like to think I was doing pretty damn good for myself.
Surprisingly though, even with all this going on in my life I still wasn't truly happy. My unhappiness stemed from past mistakes that I can't seem to get passed, along with the lonely drought within' my love life.
Not from just a man just love in general, love from myself, love within' my mind and heart besides that feeling of hate that's underlined by insecurities.
I am not the smallest woman out here with me being at least two-hundred and thirty something pounds, with 42 triple-D sized breast that sagged, a stomach that loved to poke out through my clothes, and thighs that loved each other so much that they rubbed and touched 24/7, but I was learning to love everything about me.
I learned to love my curly natural hair, my dark skin that I inherited from my mother that had a few discoloration spots scattered across my body, and I grew to love the few rolls I have on my back and hips that were wider than all outside.
