The insecurities and fear that one has that is usually caused by childhood tramua or past mistakes that often tends to go unhealed and constantly pushed to the back of our minds; This fear can be the root of ones downfall in life, whether its the do...
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Standing in each other's faces breathing hard as ever with both looks of frustration painted across our face, I rolled my eyes and pushed him away not in the mood to have this talk. But before I could take a step he grabbed my arm, "I don't understand you Alex, what do you want from me? What do I have to do to prove myself to you?" He questioned and I could see the look of concern and love in his eyes, but I wasn't about to allow myself to be blinded by that again.
Because a motherfucka' could easily yell out the words "I love you and I want you," and could be lying through their teeth just to get what they want in the end.
Pulling away I walked out towards my balcony and looked out towards the mountains in the distance letting the tears fall from my eyes. I soon felt his prescence come up behind me, but I didn't move. "You just don't understand, I've been through so much in my life and in this same exact position before so I've seen how this story will play out over and over and I can't allow myself to get hurt again."
"Who said I was going to hurt you? I love you and I don't know what else to do to prove that." I could hear it in his voice he was becoming defeated and so was I, but with myself.
It was so much more to me that he just wouldn't understand, the little girl in me is just too scared to take risks due to past mistakes and everyday we have constant battles on choices to make and in the end I always choose the choice that will in the end save me from ever getting hurt again.
Looking down a single tear slipped from my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. "Maybe love just isn't enough." I shrugged.
Turning me around he made me look at him, like really look at him and I saw he was crying himself and that alone broke my heart.
Here in my house I had a man who would probably lay his life on the line for me and give me his last breath if he could, but due to my own personal fear I was willing to lose him in hopes of possibly saving myself.
"Why do you fear the one thing you want? We've had so many talks about everything you wanted in life and it always ended with you finding love, and here love is knocking at your door, begging for a chance and you're shutting it out. Why?" He asked stepping closer to me making me step back bumping into the railing that saved me from falling over.
"What has love ever don' for me besides break my heart, make me feel worthless, cause me to be so insecure of my body and hate the person that I am? Love is a game that many people don't take serious and in the end peoole like me get hurt. I don't just fear love, I fear everything that can possibly come with it that can cause me pain." I expressed and instead of saying anything else in response to that, things fell silent between us leaving us in our own thoughts.
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Thanks for the love & support as always! I really feel you ladies will like this story and I hope it reaches out and empowers some of y'all. 💕 - Denise💋
