The insecurities and fear that one has that is usually caused by childhood tramua or past mistakes that often tends to go unhealed and constantly pushed to the back of our minds; This fear can be the root of ones downfall in life, whether its the do...
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Sitting at my desk my leg shook uncontrollably as I watched the time on the clock slowly drag by. I had a doctor's appointment at noon today with my Gynecologist to confirm if I was indeed pregnant or not.
I did some blood work a few days prior so today we were basically going over the results, so this could go two ways. One I walk out of that office as an expecting mother or I walk out with another chance to be more careful next time.
I was highly praying for the second option.
However, I had a strong feeling that I wasn't, but the pregnancy tests weren't that much of a help so they didn't ease my mind any. After taking that first test the following day I called Danielle over and we took three more test and two out of three were negative so I was alittle confused and anxious.
I haven't shared the news of any of this to anyone especially Terry. Since that day I've been sorta avoiding him because I knew if I did see him I would confess everything and I was just trying to hold off until I knew for sure if I was or not.
This was probably my first ever pregnancy scare and I honestly didn't like the feeling of not knowing.
A part of me even wanted to call my mama for advice, but I knew how bad she wanted another grandbaby and I didn't want to get her worked up either. So, for now I was left to just over think and keep all of this inside and that was lowkey killing me.
I was thankful for Danielle though, when she came over she knew how anxious and nervous I was and gave me the comfort I needed during that moment. That's why despite all of our issues and disagreements she would forever be my girl.
We may not always see eye to eye on things, but I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world. She was like the sister I never had.
Plus despite all of this that was going on with me possibly being pregnant, mentally I was a chaotic mess. So much was running through my mind distracting me and I could feel myself unintentionally falling back into old patterns I worked so hard to end.
When my phone started to ring I picked it up to see Duke was calling. Sliding the bar over to answer, I placed him on speaker. "Hello?" I answered nervously.
"There she is! I was beginning to think you were avoiding me Alex." Duke laughed. "What's been going on? Where you been Ms. Lady?"
Releasing a deep breath, I closed my eyes. "I know we haven't talked in a few days and I do apologize for that. A lot has been going with me, but I promise everything is good and I'll get that rough draft of the introduction over to you by the end of the week." I replied.
"Okay sounds good! But are you sure you're alright? If you need a few days to just take a moment and breathe, trust me I understand. I have those days all the time when I need to just step away from everything and focus on me." He told me and I smiled loving how understanding he was.
