Taken For Granted

CHAPTER 7: 'HAPPY PLACE'

As I walked out on him, I decided to go to my favorite place. To leave the busy city streets. Aside from our café, here is where I find comfort... somewhere called a HAPPY PLACE. It is indeed what its name says. Masaya, tahimik, yung tipong makakapag-isip ka. Like a VIP lounge. It is located in Tagaytay. Happy Place is a farm-like area with greenery, and cottages with man-made falls, it has fishing spots, and all.

A cottage here is a huge room with  jacuzzi, no Television nor Wi-Fi, has a queen-sized bed, peaceful and relaxing aura. Some might find it boring, pero ako, I love this place.

It used to be my mom's favorite, when she was still alive. Sabi nila I am just like my mom. A happy person. Optimistic in every possible way. This is also her 'stress-release place'. My mom...how I miss her.

This is her happy place that when she passed away, it became my happy place too. Kapag nandito ako, I feel like she is just around. Na parang nandito ang lahat ng alaala niya. Because she grew up here. Her family owns this.

But, why am I not that happy being here now? Haaaaay.

Gabi na, actually. Nag-commute lang ako. Pumunta ako dito to relax, obviously, to recall what had happened and to think about what should I do to fix this situation.

Upon reaching my cottage, I looked at  myself in the mirror. I asked, "Hoy Samantha! Anong klaseng kaibigan ka?  Bakit kasi hinayaan mo mangyari 'to?! Gosh! You should be angry at him. You should be telling Nina about this now!!! It's about Ian for goodness sake. Ano ba? Ha? Are you insane?!" 

I cried . Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Am I betraying Nina for not telling her this? ...for not being mad at Adrian? Do you think I am a bad friend? Because I think I am the worst friend. I am not mad at Ian. And I hate myself for that. There's a part in me na masaya when he said he loves me. Na para bang na-uplift yung pakiramdam ko. Alam ko naman na mali. Bakit ganito? I might hurt my friend. I can't be inlove with Ian, too. I should not be. Gagawin ko lahat to make everything okay.

I took out my mom's picture from my wallet.
Hey, mom. Kamusta ka jan? You're probably seeing me now. And alam ko you want to hug me and comfort me. Mom, I wish you were here. I want to hug you too. To kiss you. And hear your words. So that I would feel fine. Because you will be telling me that it is going to be fine, that you don't want to see your baby girl crying. Mom, am I a bad friend? Am I hurting Nina? What should I do? Mom, you know... Dad and I, pati si kuya, we miss you. Yung tawa mo, yung ngiti mo, luto mo, your hugs and kisses. I love you. I'm sorry if I am being emotional. Hindi ko alam ang dapat isipin, ang dapat maramdaman. Can you please hug me and kiss me kahit sa panaginip ko lang? I promise you Mommy, just those, from you, will be more than enough to make me okay. I love you mommy. I love you...

Then I woke up. Nakatulog pala ako while thinking and crying. Siguro, sa pagod din sa byahe. I dreamt of my mom...na yakap niya ako and she kissed me while saying and assuring me it will be fine, that I will be fine because I am her baby and I am strong.

So, I prayed and thank her, thank God. Today, a Saturday, I will forget what happened and paint a smile on my face. Just like how mom wants me to. I will relax...and be fine.