Worst Than Me

Chapter 4

"Why you do that? I want to kill myself let me", I grabbed the gun and he shot a vase before he could shoot his self,

"I don't want you to kill yourself. Everything's going to be okay"

"No it's not and you not okay either, I told you about disrespecting me didn't I?", he got up and started walking towards me getting in my face.

"No daddy I just didn't want--"

"SHUT-UP b*tch", he slapped me making me fall to the floor, I got up wiping my face and he choked me to the floor.

"I c-can't b-b-breathe", I choked out while he was choking me.

"So if I would've died you wouldn't be goin through this"

"Y-your c-crazy", he let go from choking me and started punching me in my face, I kicked him off of me and he picked me up and threw me in our bedroom. I barely did make it on the bed.

"YOU THINK IM CRAZY? HUH? IM GONE SHOW YOU CRAZY"

I felt like dying right now. He beat me up so bad, there was blood everywhere and my toes were bleeding but that wasn't it. After he beat me he raped me. I wish I stayed home with my mom right now. I wish I didn't think I was grown and step into a grown woman's shoes so early. After he was done raping me he put me in the tub, bathed me, and put me in the bed. He was still a little drunk and his breath still freaked of alcohol. Right now I wish he could've took my life.

IN THE MORNING

"Wake you sexy a** up", Twan said hitting me on my butt. I moaned because it hurt real bad, there was no way I'm leaving this apartment today unless I move out. I opened my eyes, looked at him and turned back over, "Girl get up. Go fix me something to eat I'm hungry"

"You fix it"

"You must want a redo of last night then? Get yo fat a** up and go cook me something to eat. Yo daddy hungry"

"If you hungry the. You fix it. We don't even have anything to eat except cereal anyway"

"Then go to the store and buy some groceries. It's Sunday and my mom said she was coming over for dinner, and some more of my family coming to"

"So what? I'm not getting out the bed, it's yo family so you go but food and cook for them"

*Smack

I felt his hand go across my face, I held my face as I cried.

"If I say get yo and go to the store to get me something to eat then you do that then"

"I CANT GET UP!! That's what I'm sitting here for. In case you haven't noticed you beat me and raped me. I HATE YOU! I should've stayed with my mom instead of listening to people tell me wrong"

"I didn't rape yo a** stupid b*tch. You wanted it so I gave it to you, and if yo dumb a** talk to me crazy again like that you won't worry about regretting nine of the bullsh*t a** excuses you've had because I'm gone fix that sh*t for you and you gone be 6 feet under h*e. Keep talking"

"Why? That's all I want to know Raytwan. Why? You told me you loved me. You want me to have your child. Why?", I got up and I went in my closet to put on a tank top, some jeans and some sandals. I got in the shower and I left my hair wet since it was hot outside and I just put it in a ponytail. I grabbed the keys and I went to the grocery store. Before I got out I covered up all the bruises on my face and arms which was a lot.

I bought a lot of groceries and I bought some chicken, greens, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, okra and some cake mixes for dessert for dinner. When I got back to the house Twan was outside smoking and he got the groceries out the car while I got started cooking

"Baby I'm sorry I was drunk. I didn't mean to put my hands on you", he came behind me wrapping his arms around my waist kissing my neck.

"Well you did and every bruise and handprint is still on me. You don't beat people on the street that bad, I don't want to deal with you right now to be honest with you. Now leave so I can finish cooking"

"I said sorry Toya d*mn, what else you want me to do?"

"If you don't know them I don't know either just move before I burn you", he got mad and stormed out the kitchen. A couple of minutes later I heard the front door slam. I didn't care I just finished cooking and waited for everybody to come. I put all the food out and just in time to because the doorbell rang.

"Toya hey baby girl how are you?", Twan's mom Yvette asked hugging me.

"I'm living how are you"

"I'm fine, it smells good in here. Where's my son?"

"I don't know he left a few hours agao and he didn't say where he was going. Who all is coming tonight?", I asked trying to hurry up and change the subject.

"Kiana (Twan's sister), James and Jacob (Twan's 12 year old nephews). Terry (Twan's brother), Kymari (Terry's new baby), and Nieka (Terry's wife)"

"Oh okay then I cooked just enough"

"Girl come here and sit down", I sat next to her on the bar in the kitchen and she touched my face wiping the make-up off. "I love my son but why are you still with him mama? You deserve better. You're a real bright girl. Don't let one wrong choice keep you away from doing better"

"He's literally all I got. You know my situation with my mom and I never knew my family. I'm the only child that I know of and I can't, I just can't"

"Baby girl yes you can. He doesn't need to be putting his hands on you"

"I don't love him but I don't know what I'd do without him. I've tried I really have, last night he came back home so drunk and he had a gun. He said they suspended him for some stuff he was doing and he said if he can't play football then he shouldn't live and he tried to shoot his self. Mama what was I supposed to do? And then the other night he said he wanted to have a baby with me and I'm not ready"

"Well you need to let him know some things. It doesn't matter what a woman goes through in her life, nobody deserves to be abused"

"I know"

"Listen this is what you do. Get you a job and save you money little by little until you have enough to move by yourself. Mama this is not cool"

"Yes ma'am", I wiped away the tears that were falling from my face and I went in my room to get dressed. When I came out everybody was in the living room watching tv. I hugged everybody and I got the baby Kymari.

"Hey mama. Awe you are so adorable", I said playing with her. She just woke up from her nap and she was a little cranky. I rocked her and she started playing with a necklace I had on.

"Hey everybody", Twan said coming in. "Hey baby is the food ready?", he asked looking at me.

"Yeah. Is everybody ready to eat?", I asked standing up with Kymari still in my hands.

"I am. Uncle Twan where were you at? We was waiting for you", Jacob said standing up jumping on Twan's back.

"Don't ask a grown man about they business boy", he said play fighting with them

"Okay okay. James help me out", James came and starting punching Twan and they all were play fighting. It was cire watching them play. He seemslike he'll be a good father but not boyfriend or whatever we really are.

"Alright you three cut that out", Ms. Yvette