I Am Unpredictable (Book 3)

Chapter Five: E is for Endless Confusion

For some reason, I just can't think about kissing Alia or even holding hands with her. It seems as if she isn't really the one for me—it's almost as if she was the only girl I would have a chance to bond with as Becca ripped my heart to shreds. 

It's almost as if I can't experience a perfect relationship. 

I first liked Becca—she was everything to me. Our relationship was pretty rocky for the first few months in eighth grade. Then, I became "attached" to Brandon, you might say, soon developing feelings for him. I kissed him behind my girlfriend's back, stabbing her in the back. She did the same to me with another guy. I started to like Alia, forgetting about Brandon and Becca. Once Becca and I mended our friendship back together, I became closer and closer to her, soon liking her again. Her and I made out, and here I am, wondering whether or not I truly "love" Alia as my girlfriend.

God, life is so complicated.

Becca left about an hour after we made out. We didn't stay in the bathroom for that whole hour, obviously. (Tyler kicked us out, screaming in my face, "Can I take a goddamn piss, please?!" I granted him permission, of course, even though I didn't need to know what business he would be doing in there.) After leaving the bathroom, we entered my room, shutting and locking the door behind us.

Within five minutes, we were making out again. This time, however, she started it. Not me.

I let her sit on top of me. I let her bury her face into my chest as she tells me about how gorgeous my green eyes are. I let her kiss me over and over and over again until it got to the point where my lips were sore.

Not once did either of us mention Alia.

After mentally counting the number of times we kissed (eight), the number of times we made out (two) and the number of times she rambled on about how handsome I am (seven), she left, taking Brandon with her. Right away, when the front door shut, Tyler screamed, "RICHARD, DID YOU LOSE YOUR V-CARD?"

This kid is such a freaking idiot, I swear.

I didn't bother to respond. Responding meant being tortured for my answer, possibly being humiliated and getting a few jokes out of Tyler's system.

I then heard the familiar sound of footsteps pounding the stairs. My door suddenly opened, and Tyler just strolls on over into my world without a care in the world. 

"So, Richard Macedo, did you do it? Huh? Are you a MAN?"

I rolled my eyes. "No."

He giggled, taking a seat on my bed. "I only asked you that because when I got out of the bathroom, I heard slurping sounds coming from your room."

Shit. He knows.

TAKE COVER, TAKE COVER. SOLDIER DOWN.

I turned my head, avoiding eye contact with Tyler. In an act of shame, I peeped, "Sorry."

I had a funny feeling that Tyler would flip out on me for basically cheating on my girlfriend after bitching and complaining when it happened to me. I thought he would call me a douchebag, an asshole, or any other insult in the book, but surprisingly, he was calm...

...Sort of.

"So," Tyler said, snapping in my face to grab my attention. I glanced at him. "You made out with the girl who cheated on you and broke your heart?"

I nodded.

"That's a brilliant idea."

Sarcasm, clearly.

"Do you like her?" he asked, giving me a look that seemed to say "You're A Freaking Asshole".

My heart began to beat faster, feeling as if it was about to jump right out of my chest and bitch-slap Tyler across the face. If it did, it would be fine, because (a) I would be dead, therefore avoiding to answer Tyler's question, (b) Tyler would get his ass kicked, providing entertainment, and (c) the whole topic of conversation would either be changed or forgotten completely.

I still answered his question, though.

"Kind of," I uttered, realizing my true feelings when it comes to my complicated love life. "Alia's nice and all, but I feel like I have a closer connection with Becca. She was with me when I was in the hospital almost dead after I tried to kill myself. She was my shoulder to cry on when people were bullying me. She was one of the only people who truly loved me when everyone else hated me. I've only known Alia for a time span of like, three months. I've known Becca for my whole life."

Tyler quietly sighed, showing a sign of disappointment. "Richard, I've dealt with a lot of confusion when it comes to love. Remember Staci?"

Of course I do. Staci was Tyler's girlfriend for four years, that was, until he caught her making out with Tyler's best friend Kyle in his sophomore year of high school.

I never realized that he knows exactly what I'm going through. Holy crap.

I nodded as Tyler continued with his statement. "I loved her for my whole life. I thought she was going to be my wife, my girlfriend, the girl I would lose my virginity to, and the mother to my children. Seriously. Well, things changed, relationships grew, others diminished, and here I am, having this weird thing going on with Jake."

I nearly choked on my own saliva once Tyler mentioned Jake. "You—you like him?!"

Tyler remained silent, almost as if he was afraid to answer my question. I tried to act like I wasn't shocked by the fact that he might be bisexual (or even gay), but I couldn't help it.

"Richard, that isn't important. The fact that you're just breaking the hearts of teenage girls left and right is what's important." Tyler stood up. "You always complain about girls being bitches to you when it comes to love. You aren't any better! You're always lip-locking and making out with every single living female creature that has a pulse!"

I tried to hold back tears. I guess he's right—I fall in love too easily. Every time I become super close to someone, I end up developing these feelings for them. I go through pure hell because of this, and it's all my fault.

I'm an idiot.

Tyler's love life isn't rainbows and butterflies either, so I decided to snap at him for that. 

"And that's coming from the kid who has had like, ten girlfriends within a year. All you think about is getting laid, for Christ's sake. You think you're so freaking cool because you're that perfect guy everyone loves. You're the captain of the goddamn football team, so of course your love life will be different than mine!" The urge to burst into tears got to the best of me. They ran down my face and crashed onto the floor as I stood up to scream at him even more. "I'm a worthless nobody who freaking hates his life! Every single day I think about how much of a goddamn loner I am!" 

Tyler goes to say something (probably to insult me a little more), but I carry on with my temper-tantrum. "And just to clarify—I don't like everything with a pulse. That's bullshit. For you information, I've only liked three girls and one guy in my entire lifetime. Compared to you, that's nothing."

Tyler shoved me out of nowhere and screamed in my face, "Then go ahead and"—(swear)—"up your worthless love life even more! And when you get bitch-slapped for causing a shit ton of emotional pain to an innocent teenage girl, don't come complaining to me! I'll just punch you in your goddamn face!"

I really hope you punch me, Tyler. I really hope you do.

And with that being said, Tyler just stormed out of my room, not talking to me for the rest of the night. I sat alone on my bed, crying my eyes out as I truly began to understand how Brandon and Becca feel right now.