The Gospel of the Font

Chapter 17

Now, these are some nice digs.

Didn't think last week, when I was getting shot at by religious fanatics and hiding in an old bus, that I'd be the guest of honor at a fancy gala event at the nicest hotel in New York City. That's right, I'm in New York fucking City, baby! When Dr. Keller said he had an event planned, I never expected anything like this.

I'm sitting near the middle of a long table, draped with a pearl-colored cloth. From my seat, I'm looking out over a grand ballroom with shiny, white floors, cream-colored drapes over huge windows, marble columns built into the almond colored walls, and a breathtaking marble ceiling with a lavish chandelier hanging in its center.

Dr. Keller really pulled out all the stops for this event. In addition to our plane tickets, he even bought me a new dress. I feel like I'm at the prom in this cobalt blue, strapless dress with wispy lines of silver sequins flowing up from my waist to my shoulders. My hair is done up for the first time in, well, ever, I guess. Also, I'm actually wearing makeup. This is so not me, but Dr. Keller put this whole evening together and I figure that the guest of honor should at least look like she belongs here, even though I really don't.

The ballroom is packed with people! Everyone is in black-tie suits or dresses like you would see at the goddamn Oscars. There are waiters in red blazers walking around serving drinks and some dude in a white tux is in the corner playing boring piano music. This is crazy!

From my vantage point, I also see my friends walking around in their fancy clothes, also provided by the very generous Dr. Keller, and mingling with the other guests. Everyone seems to be having a really good time, which is a welcome relief after the events of the last week.

When Dr. Keller finally called, we were able to get the details on what he was planning, and it really was something quite amazing. He'd arranged a gathering of some of the top scientific minds in the country.

Using the cancer notes I'd given him, Dr. Keller convinced his most esteemed colleagues that the power of the Font was real and that the chance to share in its blessings was upon them. They all agreed to come and see what other questions I could give answers.

This is exciting! My task was to share this information with the world and I can't think of a better way to do it. My revelations in the hands of these men and women will ensure they spread like herpes at a college mixer.

Dr. Keller said he had everything planned and that he would take care of all the arrangements. All we had to do was show up with as many revelations as we could. With that in mind, I went to work. With the bus parked in a secluded spot outside of Charlotte, I poured myself into my work.

I filled binder after binder with every secret I could think of. I wrote down cures for blindness, hearing loss, HIV, sexual diseases, and even hair loss! I wrote down techniques for new life-saving procedures. I spelled out the steps to build machines that could revolutionize our day-to-day lives. Fuck, I even pointed to where NASA should direct their telescopes to see little green men!

By the time I was done, I had piles of binders on the bus. I got input from my friends, too. If we could think of it, we could solve it. Now, those journals are sitting on four small, metal carts draped with a white cloth just behind my table. They look so plain compared to everything else in the room, but the most important things often come in the simplest packages.

"Can I throw a party, or what?" Dr. Keller asks as he approaches me on my left. He's dressed in the same type of penguin suit as all the other men in the room.

I smile and stand as he approaches me, nodding my head as ladylike as I can. "Doctor Keller, how on Earth did you put this event together? I can't believe I'm even here!"