The Gospel of the Font

Chapter 19

Tim is leading the rest of our group down the busy New York sidewalk as I emerge from the park. The sun has long since gone down by now. The past hour I've been in the small, wooded area of the park, wrestling with my own thoughts and emotions. In one evening, everything has changed.

"Faith!" he shouts as he catches a glimpse of me. He texted me a few minutes ago. At first, I was so dazed that I didn't even realize the phone in my pocket was ringing. I just sat there in the darkness, letting the full realization of what was to be done take me over.

Even now, I'm so overwhelmed that I don't even feel like I'm in my own body. I'm outside of myself, watching as I go through the motions of life. I'm walking, but I don't feel my feet hitting the ground. There are noises around me, but I don't hear them. I can see the lights of the city and the people going about their lives, but I'm merely an observer, a spectator of a world I'm not a part of. I'm disconnected, frightened, and alone in a sea of people.

"Faith, hon!" Tim shouts as he finally catches up to me. The others crowd around. They're looking at me like they don't know me. I'm an impostor, pretending to be the girl they knew hours ago.

"Are you okay?" Molly asks.

"You don't look so good," says Walter.

Tim grabs me gently by the shoulders. "Hon, what happened? Where did you run off to?"

What do I say to them? How do I tell them what's going to happen? How do I make them understand? They keep calling out to me, but inside I'm falling away. Their voices fade like they're coming from the other end of a tunnel that gets longer by the minute. "I... I..."

"Faith," Molly says. "It's alright, you can tell us."

"I... I have to... I..." I can't fucking say it! What words would possibly put it all in perspective?!

"What?" Karen asks. "You have to what?"

Through the crowd of bodies around me, I catch a glimpse of a small, black sign resting against the side of a nearby building. COME DINE UNDER THE STARS WITH US TONIGHT, it says. ROOFTOP SEATING AVAILABLE UNTIL MIDNIGHT.

"I... I... need to have dinner," I say.

"Dinner?" Jason asks.

"Yes," I reply. "I need to have dinner; I think we all do." I reach into my pocket and fish out the phone. "Here is your phone back," I say.

"So, you come out of the woods after running off without warning, you look like you've been crying and all you have to say is, 'Let's have dinner?'" Tim asks. "What the fuck, hon?"

"I'm just thinking that it's a really nice night and we should make the most of it," I say. "Let's eat at that place." I point over at the sign, causing everyone to turn in unison.

"That place will be really expensive," Walter says.

"It will be worth it," I say. "I think we need a good evening out together. We've been through a lot and this will help lift our spirits."

"Faith, you don't sound like yourself," Molly says. "What's going on?"

"Can we please just have dinner?!" I shout at the top of my lungs. I think I just made half the city stop dead in their tracks. Now there's a whole sidewalk full of people staring at me. I can feel myself panting. There's cold sweat forming on my forehead. I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain my composure.

Tim finally pulls me into his arms and kisses me on the top of my head. "Alright," he says warmly. "Let's all have dinner."

It's a long-ass elevator ride to the top of a skyscraper, but it was well worth the effort.