The Five Years (Romanogers)

Chapter 21: They Did It

(Natasha's POV)

Disclaimer: This chapter is a little bit morbid. It does talk about death and pain. I just wanted to clear that up first!
Enjoy!

I have no concept of time anymore. It could've been a week, a month, maybe even one hour. There is nothing to do here. I can't bare to look at the faces of those I cannot speak to. It feels like a knife dragging up and down my spine over and over again. I have lost the ability to cry any more. I used to never cry.

"Hey Gamora?" I asked her. She nodded and I continued, "So, I know you can't reach them but do you happen to know where half the population is?"
"Yes, past the small temple right there." She pointed to one far in the distance.
"Want to come too?"
"No." She turned away from me coldly.

I took a deep breath and started walking over there. When I got there, no one was there. I figured that she must have told me the wrong directions. I went back and told her that no one was there.

"What?!" She shrieked.
"Yeah... I think you gave me the wrong directions or" She cut me off and started running over to the temple.
I ran after her. She stopped right in front of where they were.
"Natasha! They are gone!" She cried smiling.
"They did it..." I said. I couldn't process the information. I started to cry, not tears of sadness but if glee. They did it. Clint has his family back. Steve has Bucky and Sam back. Wanda is alive. Everyone is alive. It worked.

"This is all I ever wanted..." I absentmindedly said out loud. Gamora looked at me with her tear ridden face.
"This is what my life has lead up too. All the red is gone." I laughed. I finally felt free from my past.

Then sadness overtook me once more.
"This is all I wanted..."
I couldn't stop thinking of how in the past I thought that this moment, the moment redemption would feel amazing but now, I still can't feel free. I'm stuck in this realm for the rest of time. I will never see my friends back home. I always thought by getting rid of my past mistakes I could start over. But now, I'm still a prisoner. Not of myself anymore but of life.

"I'm not one to talk about my emotions often but something about you makes me want to trust you.  Other than the fact that we will be here forever." Gamora said.
"Yeah, me too. When I was a young girl I was told not to feel. No crying, no friends, nothing. We were trained to be cold hardhearted brutes. That we were. They took away all our freedoms and were replaced with countless brainwashing and torture." I opened up about my past. I don't normally trust people with my past because I don't know who I can trust. Since we are alone I felt that I should talk about my deep dark past.

"Sounds like we both had a similar past. I was also told to not feel. If I cried one of Thanos's slaves would hit me. One time they caused my arm to bleed. I know now Thanos did love me, in his own weird way, but I didn't know at the time. That slave was ripped slowly to shreds. I knew from that day I was his favorite. Later on he started to rip my sister apart every time I beat her in a duel. I was too naive and selfish back then to see that she was longing for a break just once. I've made mistakes that I wish I could take back, Natasha."

"I do too. That reminds me when girls tried to escape. None ever made it out and when we saw them the next morning their almost dead bodies were.. on display as a warning to us. Then after they tortured and burnt them, they would have one of us kill them. If we failed we would get abused in some way and not get food for the next week."

"Seems we both have some really morbid stories." Gamora sadly joked.
"Yeah, our lives were tragedies."
"Thank you." Gamora said.
"For what?"
"Saving my family."
I smiled and gave her a hug.
                                      ———-

"Steve? STEVE!" I gasped and ran toward him. He picked me up and embraced me.
"Nat! You are alive!"
"Yes! You saved me!" I laughed and kissed him.
"We need to go home. I've missed you too much!"

I gasped and jolted up. It was a dream. Damn it! I can't stop thinking about leaving. I can't stop thinking about him! I punched myself and sobbed.
I'm stuck here forever. And I don't know what to do with myself. I'm slowly tearing myself apart. I have no stability in me anymore. I can't live anymore.