Love & Forbidden secrets.

Chapter thirtyfour

I stand there with tears pouring down my cheeks, smudged mascara litering my vision, my heart feeling as if its jumped off the gran canyon. I stand on the dark pavement outside the hell hole of the night club, the only source of light being the street lamp. My chest tightens as I watch the fiend angelical walk in to the darkness, leaving my love shattered on the floor.

He literally made me give him my all, just to tear it all up again. But I let him. Again. No, not just with Harry, Dani aswell. I should of learn't the first time. I tried to escape the vicious circle of love, but he was a masked devil in disguise, oh, such a beautiful one.

I'm a fool. A fool that has nothing to her life. No family. No home of my own. Not even an bestfriend that I can honestly say I trust. I don't belong... anywhere. But how did I get myself in to this situation in the first place? 'Love', thats why. But apparently I'm the one that falls, the men seem to have a way to pull their self up. I'm always the one to be dropped for someone else. Dani dropped me for Jesse, Harry has just dropped me for Naomi. They both hate eachother yet in the club they were down eachothers throats. Yes. I saw. I hated the way Zayn was holding me and dancing close to me, I had a lump in my throat because all I wanted to do is push him away and replace him with Harry, but it was all to make him jelous. But the difference is, I would had stopped there. I had no intention in kissing him. Until I saw the way Harry and Naomi's faces were glued together. My heart felt like it had been ripped out my chest for one hundreth time tonight. So in my sick head, it made sense to hurt him right back and bring Zayn' lips to mine.

"Natalie?" I hear a voice that startles me, I realise I have been starring in to the direction of where Harry dissapeared in to the dark of the night.

I only just notice how I'm shaking from both emotional pain and the icy rain splatters landing on my bear skin, I shouldn't had worn such a short dress.

I turn around and gasp when I take in Zayn's appearance. I know Harry hit Zayn but I didn't take much notice as I was too preoccupied with Harry.

His olive skinned cheek has now turned to a growing red bruise, the blue and green not settling in yet.

His eyes are glarring, but I can't figure out whether its the alcohol or anger.

"How are you getting home?" He speaks coldly and snappy, as if he blames me. Heck, I blame me. Somehow, its always my fault.

I try and find my voice, but I'm not sure if I have it anymore. The energy and life feels like it has been sucked out of me.

I shake my head.

I have no idea.

"I can.." He looks down and coughs. Gulping, making me curious about what he's about to say. "I can text Perrie... Off your phone,pretending to be you..she can pick you up and,"

I gasp. The lump in my throat indents further. My heart beat feels as if its going to jump out of my chest.

Perrie.

Zayn's fucking girlfriend.

The sweet girl that welcomed me in to her warm bubble when she knew I was new to New York and had no friends.

I freeze.

He seems to, too.

It finally hits home how many people I've hurt. How many people have been affected because of my stupid, immature and petty games. I'm a complete failure. I always hurt people. That's what I do. Even the most innocent. As if I'm a puppet controlled by the evil that pray on the innocent, only I get blamed for my actions.

I can't depend on people anymore. I have to discover my meaning to this world, on my own. But I won't be able to do that if people keep guiding me.

I find myself walking.

Just walking.

As fast as I can.

As far as I can.

Down the lively streets of new york, but for some reason, all I hear is silence. I don't hear the shouting of the drunken idiots, I don't hear the roaring of the infuriated traffic, just silence. As if everything is rushing past me, but I'm walking slower than an snail drags its self across the ground.

I just keep walking.

Searching for something that I don't know exists, just hoping, I will find it.

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(A.N:
Sorry if this chapter wasn't very good. Natalie just had too express her feelings. The next few chapters will hopefully be better. Sorry its short!