Edie managed to get about a mile down the road before she had to pull over. She gripped the steering wheel and let out a scream. She kept screaming while she pounded her hands and stomped her feet. She did this for a solid ten minutes before she was able to calm down enough to continue driving.
Once she got home, she did her usual rounds of the house before she kicked off her shoes and walked into her bathroom. She grabbed the fabric that she had hung over the mirror and ripped it down. For the first time in six months, she stood in front of her mirror and saw what everyone else saw when they looked at her.
"You're disgusting. You're pathetic. No one is ever going to want you. No one is ever going to look at you again. Just look at your face. No amount of makeup is going to save you. No surgery is going to remove this! You're ruined. You're destroyed. You're so fucking stupid!"
Edie kept screaming at herself in the mirror until she could no longer see from the tears filling her eyes.
"You're stupid for crying. You're stupid for thinking that you could do this. You're stupid for thinking that someone could ever want you again. You're stupid for thinking you could go back to normal. You're stupid for even thinking there could be a normal. There will never be a normal again. You are such a fucking idiot! You are damaged goods. And you will never be repaired!"
Edie then balled her hand into a fist, stepped back and swung, shattering the glass of the mirror. She kept screaming and punching the mirror until it had completely fallen off the wall. She finally let out the fear, the frustration, and the pain of having to do this all on her own. Her brother couldn't save her. Niall couldn't save her. The best they could both do was pity her. And that was the last thing she wanted. She didn't want their pity.
She hated herself for momentarily allowing herself to believe that there was someone on her side; someone who wanted to help her; someone who cared about her; someone who looked at her the way he did.
"You're stupid. He doesn't look at you, Edie. He looks past you. He doesn't care, he just wanted your help and is only pretending to give a shit about you."
In a matter of seconds, Edie stood, barefoot, in her bathroom, standing amongst the ruins of her broken mirror, her broken body, and her broken soul. With nothing left in her, she collapsed to the floor.
It wasn't until she had calmed down that she realized her hands were covered in blood. Her knuckles were bleeding and she could see small shards of glass sticking out from her skin. She looked at her other hand which was closed shut around something. As she opened her hand, she let out a small yelp. In her hysteria she had grabbed a piece of the glass and had been holding on to it so tightly that it had lacerated her palm and fingers. She knew she would need stitches.
She got up off the floor and found a towel to wrap her hand in as she slipped into sandals and headed out the door. "Yay, another trip to the goddamn hospital. At least this time you're doing it yourself. From now on, that's how it's going to be, Edie. You, and only you."
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Niall stood in the doorway to his dining room where they had both been sitting just minutes before. Although he knew why she got upset, he didn't know why she suddenly freaked out. Or why she was so mean to him as she left.
"Yet, again, a decent night that went straight to hell because of you," Niall mumbled to himself as he sat down on his couch, beer now in hand. "Should've stayed drunk. Should've kept your curiosity at bay and never looked in that box. Should've known better. Should've kept your damn mouth shut and just found a way to hold on to her. Shouldn't have said anything at all, you fucking idiot."
He ran his hand through his hair. He had had a really good time with her tonight. She made him feel like his old self. And although reading her reports made him uneasy, he felt good about being able to at least try to help her in the same way she had helped him. And now, now she wasn't even answering his calls. He texted her and called a few more times but she didn't pick up. The last thing he texted to her before he passed out was, "Just let me know you got home okay, please."
When Niall woke up later that day, it was nearly three in the afternoon. He immediately looked at his phone but saw no messages from her. "Shit," he mumbled as he sat up. "What the fuck have you done?"
He knew no way of finding her. She always refused to let him come to her house, so he had no address. The only person he knew of in her life was her brother and he didn't have his number, not that he wanted to call her brother and inform him that once again he had fucked up and scared his sister away.
All he could do was call and text her - which he did, for the next two days. He knew he hadn't been blocked because her phone did ring. She was clearly just ignoring him so eventually he got the hint and simply texted her saying that he would be around whenever she was ready. And reassured her that he wanted to help her. And, then, all he could do was wait.
YOU ARE READING
Mirrors |NH|
Fanfiction"You know that Alessia Cara song "Scars to Your Beautiful"?" "Mmhmm." "I used to think she was saying 'we're scars and we're beautiful' instead of 'we're stars and we're beautiful'. I kind of wish that was what she was saying, ya know. I mean, we'...
