Your Creation • Zarry

17. Dodge this bullet

That had been one of the best nights I've ever had and afterwards I found myself wanting to stay until the morning. I wanted to wake up next to him cuddling in bed and I wanted to be able to fall asleep soundly while Zayn held me in his warm embrace, pretending we were somewhere else, away from the rest of the world. I wanted to see the sunlight on his skin beside me the moment I opened my eyes and it was starting to dawn on me that the after sex part when you start to feel really connected to that person was the part that I was wanting to experience the most. I hated how I was robbed of those moments and instead I slept for three hours and was up at five am for Bikram Yoga.

Later on me and the boys, along with Paul, our hair and wardrobe stylists Lou and Caroline, and most of our crew, were sat down for breakfast. I was eating like a maniac lately, devouring eggs and toast, bagels, fruit, whatever I saw in front of me, while Louis was in the middle of one of his rituals, which was telling everyone about his latest strange dream.

"So I was like, fighting this Goodpool character...which is basically Deadpool but he helps random people in secret, like Batman, but he knocked me out and after I got knocked out I went into like, a third person mode and realized that I had tits and me body wasn't mine anymore and when I looked in a mirror I was actually Susan Boyle."

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and milk during a lull of collective awkward silence, which was then broken by Niall's voice.

"You know what, I had a dream that I was trapped in a room full of rubber ducks."

And then there was Liam who decided to chime in.

"I'm pretty sure this wasn't a dream but I definitely think I heard Zayn getting some action last night."

I almost choked on my cereal and glanced over at Zayn, who was sat across from me on his phone. He raised one eyebrow and looked over at Liam.

"What are you on about?" Zayn asked and I could already sense he was ready to activate hard denial mode.

"I dunno mate, I just heard loads of banging on the wall," Liam replied with a shrug, taking a sip of juice.

I just continued to sit there eating my cereal in silence and waiting to see how Zayn was going to dodge this bullet.

"Well it wasn't me," Zayn shrugged, acting unbothered. "Wish it had been, though."

"Huh, maybe I was just hearing things then. Anyway, I also had a strange dream about rubber ducks once."

It was so hard not to start awkward laughing in that moment but thank God I was incredibly hungry and kept stuffing my face so that I couldn't talk because the banging on the walls had been the bedposts from how hard Zayn was fucking me last night but nobody was ready for that conversation. In that moment I was also quite thankful that it was so easy for Liam to get distracted during conversations and Zayn and I just kept on with our breakfast, not even looking at each other. But after breakfast once we returned to our rooms it was Zayn who managed to find his way into mine. I was stood there folding up my clothes and stuffing them into my bag when he sauntered up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"We're terrible people," he said.

"No, we're stupid people. We were too loud and reckless," I responded, shaking my head.

I know that at the time we hadn't cared about the noise or what we were doing because when you're lost in a moment you forget about the outside world and that just kept happening, but reflecting back on it then, Zayn and I were starting to lose our grip on things; we weren't being stealthy enough and we had to do better.

"True. But it was worth it, wasn't it? I know that you like being reckless," he said into my ear before nibbling on my earlobe and my skin prickled again.

Zayn's touch was so overwhelming to me that I sometimes felt like I had to stay away from him or else I'd explode and lose all my composure completely, and yet, I could never stay away. I kept folding my clothes, trying my best to keep restrained and ignore him breathing down my neck but I felt that hint of a smile already making its way to my lips when he kissed the nape of my neck.

"You need to stop that right now," I ordered, even though I definitely didn't mean a word of what I was saying.

"I don't think I can."

"You're killing me you know that," I whined, turning around to look at him and he was biting his lip again.

"Fine. I'll stay away from you," he said and took a step back, holding up his hands in surrender mode and turning around to walk away but of course I couldn't let him do that so I reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards me.

"No you won't. I bet you couldn't even if you tried," I said, my mouth dangerously close to his as I spoke and he leaned in and kissed me, but made it quick in case anyone else was around.

At that point Zayn and I had been secretly hooking up for almost two months and it was only getting more intense each and every time we found ourselves alone together. I found myself torn between enjoying how we were living in the moment and wondering if there was actually something more to us than just being horny all the time, especially after last night, and my mind kept wandering as I laid on the tour bus and wrote in my journal. I was starting to feel as though I was getting more attached to Zayn on an emotional level because I was thinking about laying on his chest and staying in the morning, maybe sitting in bed and feeding each other breakfast and those were the kinds of things that couples did and we weren't a couple. We were just friends who fucked on the side, so why was I thinking about more than that? He and I said that we weren't going to catch feelings in the middle of this. We said it so many times that it had become a mantra for me.

Don't fall for Zayn.
Don't fall for Zayn.
Don't fall for Zayn.
Don't fall for Zayn.
Don't fall for Zayn.
Don't fall for Zayn.