Night 2
I feel like im getting weaker people see how bad it is, im starting to see that im not fine but i deserve not to be fine, i dissapointed my parents friends and i deserve to be punished, i deserve painfull death and i just wish for it becouse i dont see any hope anymore im feeling more and more intoxicated i feel like im drowning i feel like im gona stop breathing soon its getting really hard to breathe and not shake as im shaking when im stresses and i cant stop it. It feels painfulk that people can worry and that they care if they can have a bright nice life while they are talking to me about this becouse they WORRY TOO MUCH AND I DONT WANT IT I WANT IT TO STOP I DESERVE THE PAIN I DID IT TO MYSLEF I PUNISHED MYSELF AND NOW ITS OUT OF CONTROL AND WANTS ME TO DIE AS BADLY AS I WANT IT. I FEEL LIKE KY THOUGHTS ARENT THOUGHTS ANYKORE I FEEL LIKE THEY RULE MY BRAIN WHERE THERE IS NO ME ANYMORE I DONT WANT TO DIE OUT BECOUSE OF MY INSANITY BUT MABY ITS ALL I DESERVE,... The only thing i hope is that i can feel lots of pain afterwards and that the stress will stay and ill just kill myself already and nit make anyone more problems as i do so everytime. I feel like after cutting myslef soo much with scisors it doesnt hurt as much it doesnt feel the same way it doesnt work that good so i took out a knife and it hurt so badly but i deserved it so much i didnt think i could stop but my dog stopped me and bit my arm, i want him to do that everytime i want him to hate me so he doesnt care if i die as everyone, i want them to stop caring so i need to be awful as fuck i need to be awful but ill have so much thoughts, ill have so much more cuts and ill feel so much more pain becouse it hurts like a fucking truck passing on my body when i see someone hurt asspecially by my stupid dumbfuck ideas, i wish i could stip everything, thinking seeing and just die but i guess i deserve to suffer more and more and more and more and more till i finally bleed out and die already.(while anxiety attack)
I written less becouse i chatted too much and i got it out of me but im scared that the pain that i feel wilk be the pain that others feel.(while still kinda sane)
YOU ARE READING
dont worry plz
Historia Cortaits me realising my thoughts, im warning you of bad english a d mistakes as engkish is not my first language and i wrote it while i had anxiety attack. be sure not to read this if you re easily disturbed.
