I won't say that I am/was a miserable person. I'm "one of" bullied students. This point of view is needed to consider this problem as a kind of social problem. I know that. But I can't accept well. Why me? Why did they hate me? ...Or they hated me? They treated me as toys? To play for a while, and when get bored they threw me away. That was all. Correct?
From this experiment I found human being is mysterious people. Or I should say "they" are a cluster of random reaction like aliens. I try to speak honestly from my heart. I say straightly and honestly. That is to rely and accept the order of this world. Isn't it? But they...they say I'm strange. Or...If I say I become the character of David Lynch's movies, it's too much? I don't know. Or Haneke is correct?
I learned that honesty is not good. Honesty can harm someone else. Even if you think it's innocent or it's better, it works wrong. Then you have to tell lies to yourself as if your wrong or bad opinions are OK. Everything is OK when you are wrong. It's very complicated and crazy paradox.
The problem is, you know, that "a child" should carry that paradox in your brain. He/she should tell lies to himself/herself and don't rely the sense of body and mind. They can be freaks. Mad person like Joker who love to tell lies.
Or...Jokers are the model they want to grow up and live in this society, this planet, the world? I can't/don't understand. Anyway, that was the mistake I should accept. And no one blame this mistake as social problem. Then I should. I say the accidents happened exactly and remember that. That was the beginning of my life and the end of my world.
