Am I miserable person? I don't think so.
Recently I've read a book about Ludwig Wittgenstein. He(the author, not L.W.) tells us that happy people is because he/she is happy. That is the cause of happiness. In short, happiness is inside his/her personality. It doesn't depend on outside fact. How much money he/she has or how he/she succeed is not the reason of happiness. But whether he/she has the core of happiness. It Is the core.
I thought about L.W.'s life. He lived his miserable life. He was misunderstood by many people. He wasn't rich person. But he lived his "happy" life. And I agree that happiness is inner concept and not out of mine. Do you feel happiness like warm inside your body? That's the answer.
Once I was the most miserable person in the world. I was bullied, I was born as an autistic person, I was poor, I was wicked person...Me, Me, and Myself. I used to talk about myself a lot. I shouldered my past and my destiny like a preacher. A friend said to me that I talked about myself too much. Yes I was crazy I think now.
...Now? Yes I'm writing about myself. But I do say that I'm not miserable person. I don't have a trauma. I have a content. That makes me happy. I hope this makes you happy. If writing something can be the chance of being happy, what does it have the meaning?
A young friend said to me. "I wish I could have your personality". I like this word. I have almost nothing. I live alone by myself and poor. But I lived my life and learned a lot at the school. The name of the school is "society" or "the real". I cursed the real world once and escaped into alcohol, but I can say now "I'm happy person in the real".
