In My Skin

14-depression

the steam rolls off your skin,
lingering in the air like a stubborn cloud as water rains down on you

a reminder that you can still feel;
still see
still hear
still think

your breath fogs up the glass and you draw a happy face with a wrinkled finger
while yours remains inexpressive

you try to remember what it's like to not feel so alone

you drown out the white noise,
and suddenly hear your heart slamming against your chest;
like a bird aching to be free of its cage

you wonder why your heart is trapped,
and remember the battle with your brain

your breath catches
you feel yourself suffocating
you're drowning

but it's all in your head

the water stops

you're covered in a sheet of brisk air

goosebumps litter your body

half way comforting
half way disturbing

water droplets stain your skin

you tremble

you grip your body like it's the only thing that can save you

a single tear escapes your left eye

your lips quiver,
jaw tightly sewn

you see your foggy reflection,
and wonder if this is what the clouds see when they look down on you

you wonder how it would feel to be that high up

you wipe away the steam and now you can see yourself clearer

you gaze at your tight skin

you can feel it
you can see it

part of you adores it
part of you wonders
what God was thinking when he made you

you watch your chest rise as you draw in a deep breath

you try to hold it in hopes of preventing another thing from leaving you;

but you can't.

you lose your patience.

cold air repeatedly kisses your skin,
leaving a trail of unsolicited bitterness

your tears align with your saturated body

you can't tell which came from you,
and which came from the faucet

your eyes have deceived you once again

you feel yourself levitating—
like your insides have been hollowed out

the plug has been pulled

like a bathtub overflown with bubble-infested water

you once had that personality,
but now it's being sucked down a series of pipes

becoming one with the ocean,
never to be found again

no matter how long you search

if you even had the energy to do so

you tell yourself everything will be okay

but will it?

your sea-bound tears finally evaporate,
colliding with the atoms you cannot see

you turn away from the fingerprinted mirror

and put on your clothes

today's gonna be a good day,
one can only hope.