Emma and Her Depression

the past

trigger warning this chapter talks about emma's past i'll do a character this next chapter 630 words 

i go throw good times and then i'll hear something or see something and i'll just want to run into my room and never come out i just want to cry but i can i cant keep cry i have no more tears to cry i have cried so much there's nothing left i'm in so much pain and there's nothing anyone can do i have P.T.S.D. it's like a constant war in my head no matter how many times people tell me the wars over the thing is it's not it will never be over for me its been years since it happened to me but its like it happened yesterday and i just wanna forget but i can't and i hate it glenn my little sister bells uncle raped me when i was 8 years old i hate him he made me fear the world of men i guy will flirt with and i have a fucking panic attack i just wanna die my heart and mind can't take it i've lost so much because of this mental scare he put on me i hate him i hate my body i hate men i hate the thot that i might never be able to be with a man no matter how much i love him the doctors say give it time the war will end i can't wait to be ok i just wanna give up and die start over in another life they tell me to keep my head up let me just give up you don't know what it's like to have the constant flashbacks the constant seizures because of the panic attacks from the flashbacks you don't know and you never will the pain he caused me the memories the pain i od 2 years ago in my bathroom my boyfriend busted down the door and started screaming for help the ambulance wouldn't let him in he drove to the hospital with his brother he couldn't stop crying i loved him but he made a move a sexual one and the flash backs came i gave him P.T.S.D. i broke up with him because i hated myself for what i did to him i broke him sometimes i think about what if we were still together would we be happy? I don't know how to feel anymore i've been lied to my entire life i remember when my twin almost died i found him he was laying on his bed foam coming out of his mouth i couldn't move i when i finally could i ran to him and started shaking and screaming "aries please no wake up" i checked his pauls it's very faint i start doing cpr and call an ambulance "i can't do this without you luke needs you riley needs i need you dont you leave me" the paramedics showed up the entire ride to the hospital i was crying so hard i couldn't see i call luke "luke something happened" i say "girly what's wrong why are there sirens are you ok?" he say worriedly "i fine aries OD i'm in the ambulance with him meet me at the hospital" i hear luke start scream "NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING" i hear a woman's voice "hello who is this" his mom "hello all you need to know right now is get luke to the hospital his boyfriends hurt" i say still crying "ok" she says calmly aries made it threw but he got sent to a mental hospital in ireland with our and ruby i haven't heard from luke in years it makes me sad i miss my brother and i miss luke