Vague Existence

Chapter 40: Mew

I have waited for this day for three long years.  When I called his mother last week and said that I plan to reopen the investigation, I really hoped that news will reach Gulf. It was a shot in the dark.

The first year he left, I can't function. It was like I was in a loop. I go to all the places we've been through. I go to the coffee shop where we first met, the mechanical lab where I asked for another chance. I asked the dorm administrator to leave his room vacant since it still has his things. I stay at the football field after school hours imagining him playing. I regret missing all the  games that he had won. I wasn't there, I was always findings ways to fix my own problems when I could have shared them with him. Everyday for a year his texts and direct messages in messenger was like my only sustenance to be able to function. It only stopped when Jag came to me. I still remember that conversation vividly.

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2 years ago

I saw Jag approaching me in the field.

"It's been a while Jag. How's work?"

"Professor, I'm here to tell you something."

I looked at him with hope in my eyes.

"I know that I am just a bystander with you and Gulf. He stopped talking to me about you the first time you had issues. He usually talks to me about things but not about you. When that happens, that only means he doesn't want anyone influencing his thoughts. That's when I knew how precious you are to him. I think now you know he has trust issues."

"I know Jag." This conversation is not helping me.

"I'm going to him." I looked up abruptly, my heart raced, waiting for him to say more. " He invited me to join him. I will tell you where he is. I know that's what you really want, but before I do, I'd like you to think about what you can do for him for a change."

I'm a bit confused with his words.

"If you find out where he is and you go to him, what will you say? Can you honestly give him yourself one hundred percent with no baggage on your shoulders? Do you think you will be redeemed? Can you let everything go? Think about it professor." He handed me a piece of folded paper. "This is his address, I leave it to you to decide."

I was staring at that paper for a long time, After a while, I let it fall from my hands.

I walked away. I need a plan, a sound plan.

That night it rained. I never had a chance to find that paper.
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I live close to the district office. A year ago when there was progress in Lisa's therapies, I resigned uncle's firm. I cannot be bound by any confidentiality agreement that may prevent me from investigating further. Of course it goes without saying, I let go of the school too, the desire to get that has long been gone. I don't think my parents will be happy if I get the school with the price of heartbreak.

Walking to the city hall, I feel my heart getting too excited. I'm trying my best to suppress it. I don't want to expect but can't help myself. I'm so ready to see him. Three years of bunched up longing, how can I contain that in front of him?

I am my best self today. I don't want him to see something that can cause him to balk again.

I entered the building and scanned the crowd, tried to search for my Gulf. The police station looks so busy but everyone's in uniform, no civilian in sight. On the right side are people moving talking to the clerks, I doubt he's there. I walked closer to the stairs, he's probably at the district attorney's already.

As I got closer, I see a man sitting on the bench by the stairs unfazed by all the commotion going on. He was reading a newspaper. My heart lurched. Gulf looks different. He doesn't look like a student anymore. His hair the color of the sun. He is tan on all the skin I can see as if sun-kissed. His built is toned, rougher like he can equally tackle me now. He looks like sunshine to me wearing a coconut button down shirt, who still wears this type of shirts nowadays? My sunshine. I moved closer to him. He froze for a minute then looked up so very slowly until he reached my face. I miss his lips. I don't think I can contain my happiness anymore.

Gulf
You.
Brought.
Me.
Back.
To.
Life.
3 years after you left me.
You sitting before me looking like you want to kill me.
All I can think about is changing our memories.
To make happier ones.
Ones when you will never think of leaving me.
I swear I'll make you forget.
This time, I swear, I'll never let you go.

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"Gulf." I tried to lessen my smile. Please contain yourself Mew, for the love of god, you don't want to scare him.

He nodded his head then looked back to the newspaper, pretending to read it.

"How have you been? Are you back for good?"

He looked back up, "Well that escalated quickly."

I smiled again. I missed old direct Gulf who always has a comeback for me. "Will you answer though?"

He looked back to his paper, "No."

Don't panic Mew, just continue talking, "When did you arrive?"

"Are we back to your one million and one questions?" He blushed. He just made a mistake. He remembers. It's like deja vu of the first time he went to my office.

My heart just made a happy dance. "I just wanted to make small talk Gulf, to make you more comfortable."

He closed his eyes and sighed. Okay Mew back down for today, you still want to see him tomorrow and the next day until forever.

"Oh you're here now."

We both turned to see Mrs Cheunprom. " Yes Ma'am, we can go together."

She smiled and tapped my shoulder. "How many times do I have to tell you that you can call me Aunt.... or Mom. I think the shared experience we had merits that."

I saw Gulf's eyes bulge. I almost laughed.

"Sure Mom."